Today's Joke

[keithgood838]

Some are repeats, others are new;
all are laugh-inducing, Marian.

SUMMARY SUPPORT

My friend was sacked from the Salvation Army
soup kitchen last night, for simply saying:
'Hurry up, some of us have homes to go to.'

[Lena & Harry Smith]

Something like those who have pitched their tents at St Pauls, most of them go home for the night.

[ROBERT M.]

............to Newcastle, Birmingham, Liverpool, Manchester

[Lena & Harry Smith]

yes, well any moment now they are expecting to get the invite to sleep in the cathedral

[keithgood838]

POLITICAL POSTULATIONS

For every action there is an equal
and opposite government programme.

If voting could change anything, it would be illegal.

He is the finest politician money can buy.

Politicians and babies have one thing in common:
they should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.

To succeed in politics it is often necessary to rise above your principles.

[Gray]

[ROBERT M.]

Berlusconi is about to find that out Keith ............and not before time too.

[keithgood838]

Yes Robert.

THE RECKONING

It is fun to dip one's toes
into the satirical stream;
it highlights some peccadilloes
and lets off political steam;
though one feels sympathy for Silvio,
caught up in comeuppance imbroglio.

NUTS IN MAY

'The blame doesn't lie with me;
he simply went too far;
I invited him in for a coffee
but he wanted the whole jar.'

[Gray]

Like it, Keith!

My youngest daughter made me laugh this morning.
We were getting ready to leave for school, and after she had looked outside at the damp, cold weather, my daughter said, "I think I will wear those ear mugs you bought me".

[ROBERT M.]

[Marian]

Saw this in the paper this morning...

"In the last ten years we have lost Johnny Cash, Bob Hope, Steve Jobs and Jimmy Saville.
So now we have NO CASH, NO HOPE, NO JOBS and NO ONE TO FIX IT"!

[keithgood838]

It goes to show, Marian, that even black humour
can be very funny.

Gray, I posted the following reply to your
item but it seems to have lost its way
in the ether; either that or I omitted
to press submit - probably the latter.

BUDDING WORDSMITHS

Gray, what your little girl expressed was an 'eggcorn';
the term was coined by a group of linguists when one
of them noticed the use of "eggcorn" for acorn.
It sounded similar and made sense, an acorn
is egg-shaped and a tree grows out of it.

'We will revisit this topic shortly, as it is
the crutch of the matter.'
(Financial Sense magazine, December 2004)

When he was four my feisty grandson Jack told me:
'When my dad and I go fishing, we use magnets.'

[keithgood838]

TAXING TARGETS

If the proposed Tobin tax (a transaction tax
levied at 0.01 percent)
'is a bullet aimed at the heart of the City',
then the transaction tax,
VAT levied at 20 per cent,
is a multi-warhead nuclear missile
aimed at the whole country.

[keithgood838]

TIME-HONOURED TRANSACTION

The spokesman phoned the blonde customer
in impatient exasperation:
'We replaced your windows last year
but you've not paid for the installation.'
The blonde struggled to restrain her
resentful indignation:
'Your salesman, like your windows,
was transparently clear;
he assured me: "The windows will pay for
themselves within a year."'

[karl]

I like that, I hope she got away with it?