Today's Joke

[Eman]

Lol..hmmm yep typical of a sales person to make a sale!! Good one Keith!

[keithgood838]

TROUBLE IN TOW

A woman accompanies her husband on a round of golf.
His first shot ends up in the rough. She shakes her head
in sympathy. His second shot lands in a bunker. She shakes
her head and sighs. He then manages to escape from the
sand and the ball rolls into the hole.
'Oh boy!' she exclaims. 'You're in real trouble now!'



PS I shall be absent from the forum for a while;
I'm attending a Golf Society long weekend at the Belfry
in Birmingham (England) though looking at the weather
forecast I wish it were Birmingham, Alabama.

[karl]

A young jackaroo from outback Queensland goes off to university, but halfway though the semester he foolishly has squandered all of his money.

He calls home.
'Dad,' he says, 'you won't believe what modern education is developing..
They actualy have a program here in Brisbane that will teach our dog Ol' Blue how to talk.'

'That's amazing!'
His Day says.
'How do I get Ol' Blue in that program?

'Just send him down here with $2,000,' the young jackaroo says, 'I'll get him in the course.'

So...His father sends the dog and $2,000.

About two-thirds through the semester, the money again runs out. The boy calls home.

'So how's 'Ol' Blue doing, son?'
His father wants to know.
'Awesome! Dad, he's talking up a storm,,,But you just won't believe this.
They've had such good results with talking, they've begun to teach the animals how to read.'

'Read?' exclaims his father.
'No kidding! How do we get O' Blue in that program'

'Just send $4.5000. I'll get him in the class.'

The money promptly arrives. But our hero has a probem. At the end of the year, his father will find out the dog can neither talk nor read.

So he shoots the dog. When he arrives home at the end of the year, his father is all excited.

'Where's Ol' Blue? I just can't wait to talk with him, and see him read something!'

'Dad.'
The boy says,
'I have some grim news.

Yesterday morning, just before we left to drive home, Ol' Blue was in the living room,
kicked back in the recliner, reading the Wall Streer Journal. Then he suddenly turned to me and asked,

'So, is your daddy still bonking that little redhead barmaid at the pub?"

The father groans and whispers,
'I hope you shot that b*****d before he talks to your Mother!'

'I sure did, Dad!'

'That's my boy!'

The kid went on to be a succesful lawyer.

[Lena & Harry Smith]

Enjoy your golfing weekend Keith. Hope the weather stays fine

[Eman]

Have a good weekend golfing, Keith!! Come out to CA, it's gonna be a hot one again perfect for the beach or golfing!!

[Marian]

We have a sunny day forecast tomorrow, but not so good on Sunday. Enjoy your weekend playing golf Keith.

[keithgood838]

Thanks for your good wishes, Eman, L&H and Marian.
The Belfry complex is a vast homage to golf. We played
the Brabazon (Ryder Cup course) on my birthday and
we each received an inscribed medal/memento of our
round. That evening the lads in our golf society presented
me with two gifts and a card signed by every member.
Quite a memorable day!

WHY GOLF OUTPLAYS SEX

A below par performance is considered good

If your equipment gets a bit rusty you can replace it

It is much easier to find the sweet spot

Foursomes are encouraged

You don't have to sneak golf magazines into your house

Twice a day is possible

[Eman]

Keith, Belated Happy Birthday!! Lol good to see your jokes again!!

[keithgood838]

Thanks for your good wishes, Eman.
I enjoyed my best birthday to date!

TWO-STEP THERAPY

Psychiatrist to patient:
'We've cured your addiction
to the Hokey Cokey. You've
turned yourself around
and that's what it's all about.'

[keithgood838]

PARKING LOT POWERLESSNESS
(a report from the London Times)

Outside Bristol Zoo there is parking accommodation
for 150 cars and eight buses. For 25 years its fees
were managed by an agreeable parking attendant:
£1.40 for cars and £7 for buses.
After 25 years of never missing a day's work he
suddenly didn't show up, so the zoo management
called the city council and asked them to send a
replacement parking agent.
The council did some research and replied that
the parking arrangements were the responsibility
of the zoo.
The zoo advised the council that the attendant
was an city council employee.
The city council responded that the attendant
had never been on the council payroll.
Meanwhile, presumably sitting in his villa somewhere
on the coast of France or Spain is the fraudster who
had the ticket machine installed personally and simply
showed up every day for 25 years to collect the fees
of about £560 per day. A total income estimated at £7m,
and no one even knows his name ...
Nice work if you can get (away with) it.

[Eman]

Wouldn't it be nice Keith? LOL

[ROBERT M.]

...............I think he deserved to get away with it.......................but surely he should have retired much earlier and made the most of his ill gotten gains

[keithgood838]

Bizarrely, I believe the foregoing is a bonafide story
because the email I received featured pictures including
a back view of a guy wearing an official tabard bearing the name,
Bristol Zoo. Robert, maybe he was enjoying putting one over
on officialdom too much not to continue.
As usual it is the local taxpayers who are out of pocket, Eg:

FRANCHISE FOLLY

At a cost of forty million quid
FirstGroup's grand plans have hit the bufffers
after challenge from the Branson bid
uncovered Whitehall's transport duffers;
when the spending pot needs a tight lid
once more the poor taxpayer suffers.

[keithgood838]

DIAGRAMMATIC DISCOURSE

Murphy, a furniture dealer from Dublin,
decided to expand the lines of product in his store
and acquire some French merchandise.
After arriving in Paris he visited some manufacturers
and selected a line he thought would sell back home.
He celebrated his acquisition with a glass of wine in a bistro.
He noticed that the other chair at his table was the only
other vacant seat in the house.
Before long, a beautiful Parisian girl approached him
and said something in French that Murphy couldn't understand,
so he gestured towards the spare seat.
As neither spoke the other's language they resorted
to drawing explanatory diagrams on table napkins.
Murphy drew a glass of wine and she nodded.
After a few minutes of awkward silence he drew a picture
of a couple dancing. She again nodded and they danced
until the cafe was about to close, then the girl drew a diagram
of a four-poster bed.
To this day Murphy has been unable to figure out how she knew
he was in the furniture business ...

[Eman]

LOL!! Keith thanks for the daily laugh!!