Today's Joke

[Lena & Harry Smith]

We may not continuosly pass comments on your poems and jokes Keith, but we can assure you they give us great pleasure and a lot of smiles and laughter, and that also goes to others who contribute to this thread.
Thank you, and keep em coming

[Eman]

Keith , you rock!! Merry Christmas to you and yours and keep them smiles and laughs coming!! Love em!!

[keithgood838]

Thank you L&H and Eman. To paraphrase the biblical text,
'it is more blessed to give ...' If my posts are received with
half as much pleasure as I derive from posting them, then
my cup (of happiness) runneth over. And in view of that
holier-than-thou declaration, the following had better be
squeaky clean:

REINDEER REPRESENTATION

Little Lucy's pretty facial features were contorted
by a petulant pout; she felt aggrieved. 'It isn't fair,'
she bemoaned to her big brother Bobby. 'Why should
Santa's reindeer all be boys?'
'Oh no they're not,' chortled Bobby in pretend pantomime
mode. 'Haven't you heard of Olive the other reindeer?'

SLOW PLAY SOLUTION

A priest, a doctor, a businessman and a Scotsman were
being held up by a slow golf foursome ahead of them.
The doctor exclaimed in frustration: 'I've never seen such
poor golf.' The businessman shouted: 'Move it on guys,
time is money.' The Scot chimed in: 'Och aye, we've been
waiting at this hole for nigh on 15 minutes.'
Just then the priest spied a buggy-borne course marshal
and grabbed his attention: 'Can't you have a word with those
slow players, they're taking ages to play each hole.'
The marshal explained: 'They are blind firefighters who lost
their sight saving our clubhouse from being burned down last
year. To show our gratitude we make the course available to
them unhindered and free of charge.'
An embarrassed silence descended on the group, then the
priest declared: 'That's so sad; I think I'll say a special prayer
for them tonight.'
The doctor nodded in agreement: 'I shall contact my opthalmology
colleagues and ask if there is anything they can do for such brave
souls.' The businessman contributed to the growing outflow of
concern: 'I think I'll donate £350.000 to the Firefighters Benevolent
Fund in honour of these selfless men.'
Then the Scotsman proffered his insightful suggestion:
'Why kin they no play at night?'

[ROBERT M.]

Good one Keith.

[Eman]

Keith, if I don't make it into 2013, it's cuz I died laughing at your jokes.. LOL.. You kill me man!!!

[Lena & Harry Smith]

They are both clever and funny and make our forum complete.

[keithgood838]

JOKING ASIDE
(And with apologies to Ken Dodd)

This forum is a fabulous place;
I feel like the winner of the Best Posts race;
I thank Michele that we've been blessed
with a wondrous website that's unsurpassed.

Happiness, happiness ...
Embracing the entire globe, no less;
we've tongues of silver and hearts of gold,
and Matt Monro music in each soul ...

Happiness, happiness, the greatest gift ...



PS Trying pronouncing 'happiness'
with a French accent ...

[karl]

How very perceptive of the Scot but rather unkind doncha think?

[keithgood838]

It's just a joke, Karl; 'just' as some would say,
like the following:

THE INFANT FIREFIGHTER

A firefighter was working on the engine outside the station
when he noticed a little girl nearby in a little wagon with little
ladders hanging from the sides, and a garden hose tightly coiled
in the middle.
The creative poppet was wearing a miniature firefighter's helmet.
The wagon was being drawn by her dog and cat. The firefighter
approached to take a closer look: 'That sure is a nice fire truck,'
he declared in genuine approbation. Then he noticed that the girl
had tied the wagon to her dog's collar and her cat's testicles.
'Little partner,' the firefighter suggested helpfully, 'I don't want
to tell you how to run your rig, but if you were to tie the rope
around the cat's collar, you would go faster.'
The aspiring firefighter replied sweetly: 'You're probably right,
but then I wouldn't have a siren.'

[Eman]

Hey Keith! Happy New Years to you and yours. Thanks for always putting a smile on my face and making me laugh with you jokes. They help to break the monotony of my workday.

[karl]

Keith I guessed it was a joke as it was on the joke thread!!!

[keithgood838]

CLIMATE CHANGE

Thanks, Eman, for your new year
words of goodwill;
warmth to quell the drear
of January's chill.

Keith

[Eman]

Thank you Keith!

[keithgood838]

HEADLINE HOWLERS

MARIJUANA ISSUE SENT TO JOINT COMMITTEE
The Toronto Star - 14 June '96

17 REMAIN DEAD IN MORGUE SHOOTING SPREE -
The News & Observer

HOMICIDE VICTIMS RARELY REPORT TO POLICE -
The Express Times

ONE-ARMED MAN APPLAUDS KINDNESS OF STRANGERS -
Joy Crowley

ILLITERACY AN OBSTABLE, STUDY FINDS -
The Washington Post

MISSIPPI'S LITERARY PROGRAM SHOWS IMPROVEMENT -
Associated Press

[Marian]

Very funny Keith!