Today's Joke

[Gray]

This was on Radio Leeds this morning...

Did you hear the one about the guy who walked into a Glasgow Butchers and asked, "do you deliver?"

"Nah", replied the butcher, "only chicken and beef"

[karl]

Gray this may have to be explained to our English friends!!!!

[Eman]

Welcome back, Gray!!!

If I'm reading this right the butcher misinterpreted and thought the customer was asking for liver and he said nah only chicken and beef??? I could be wrong though.

[karl]

Eamon the butcher was asked Do You Deliver, think of this as said in a Glaswegian accent
Dae You Dayliver.

[Gray]

Just made me laugh again reading through the explanation

There was a knock on my door this morning and i opened it to find a UPS courier smiling at me.
"i've got this parcel for your next door neighbour", he said.
"Then you've got the wrong house" I replied and shut the door in his face.

[keithgood838]

Gray, we have become so accustomed to receiving
next door's large mail items that ours has become the
de facto delivery address. Speaking of neighbours:

GARDEN FENCE GOSSIP

First gardener to neighbour: 'I like the luxuriant greenery
of your garden, but there aren't any colourful flowers.'
Second gardener: 'Yes, but with fronds like these who
needs anemones?'

[Eman]

LOL Gray and Keith.

[keithgood838]

PROOF POSITIVE

Anyone who still thinks that the phenomenon
known as nominative determinism is a matter
of mere coincidence, I put it to you: new England
rugby star, Billy Twelvetrees' family is in the arboreal
(trees) business; in Hartlepool United's recent win
over Notts County, the scorers were Hartley and Poole.
I rest my case.

[keithgood838]

ROLE MODEL REALITY

How can putupon parents be expected to bring up their children
to be good citizens when Cinderella stays out till midnight,
Pinocchio tells lies, Aladdin hangs around with a gang of thieves,
Batman drives at 300 mph, Sleeping Beauty languishes in bed
all day, and Snow White lives with seven men?



PS TOPICAL ANAGRAM

FINDUS LASAGNE: FED US SLAIN NAG

[Eman]

LOL Ketih, funny but in a sense so so true.

[keithgood838]

Hi Eman
You will have heard about the prevalent Europe-wide food scandal
in which horsemeat is being sold in processed products labelled beef.
We cannot be sure about what we are consuming any more.
The usual humorous defence mechanism has been deployed:

An assistant asks a diner in a cafe:
'Would you like anything on your beef burger?'
'Yes, five euro each way.'

[Marian]

NEIGH NEIGH KEITH!

[Eman]

Hey Keith,
Yeah I heard about that, but how true is it? Hmmm. You know though a popular urban legend that was going around when I was living in the Philippines that this one restaurant that served hamburgers the meat was made of worms and some weird by product. Blehhhhh..though the place is still in business and has branched out even here in the US, though the worm story didn't follow.

[Marian]

Unfortunately this is very true Eman. It's not so much the horsemeat but the fraudulent labelling of the products as beef.

[Eman]

Uh that is just ultimately disgusting. Marian here on BBC America the broadcasters made it seem like it was a joke, same thing when the did the story on the American news. Yeccchhhh what's becoming of the world.