Today's Joke

[keithgood838]

SPELLING TROUBLE

A new reality t.v. programme was launched on BBC 2 last night
entitled, The Great British Sewing Bee, whose purpose we presume
is to discover the best sewer in Britain.

[Eman]

LOL!!!!

[ROBERT M.]

I'd spell it out to you...............but I can't be bothered

[keithgood838]

We presume the winner will be the outcome of an elaborate stitch-up.

[Marian]

SEWER????

[keithgood838]

BEE-BONNETED

Forgive my fixation on this topic, however it must be said
that the participants will surely create a patchwork of appealing
ideas, and the presenters will embroider the efforts of the
unsuccessful handiwork. It goes without saying that the competition
will be needle-sharp.

[Eman]

LOL!!! You rock Keith!!!

[karl]

The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection and trauma complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71.

Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin. Dozens of celebrities turned out to pay their respects including:
Mrs. Butterworth, Hungry Jack, The California Raisins, Betty Crocker, The Hostess Twnkies and Captain Crunch.
The gravesite was piled high with flours.

Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy and lovingly described doughboy as a man who never knew how much he was kneaded.

Born and bread in Minnesota, doughboy rose quickly in showbusiness, but his later life was filled with turnovers.

He was not considered a very smart cookie, wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes.

Despite being a little flaky at times, he was still a crusty old man and was considered a positive roll model for millions.

Doughboy is survived by his wife Play Dough, three children: John Dough, Jane Dough and Dosey Dough, plus they had one in the oven.
He is also survived by his elderly father Pop Tart.

The funeral was held at 3.50 for about 20 minutes.

If you smiled while reading this, please rise to the occasion and pass it on to someone having a crumby day and kneading a lift.

[Lena & Harry Smith]

I still haven't cottoned on to the sewer story yet, but this an amazing thread
and Karl you and Keith are on a roll and Ive definitely needed something to give me a smile or two today. So thanks to you both.

[keithgood838]

Hi L&H
It's simply a matter of pulling the various strands
of this thread together, thereby enabling you to cotton
on to the point of it.

[Eman]

Ha ha..Karl and Keith. You made me ROTFLMBO!!

[keithgood838]

I think we should now lay off the sewer joke Eman,
lest it becomes threadbare.

MARKED IMPRESSIONS

Corduroy pillows are in the news - they are
making headlines.

[karl]

A middle-aged lawyer had tried hard all day to grant a prisoner called Johnny Wright a stay of execution.

Driving home quite late to his nagging wife he walked in to his house and his wife started:-

"What Time Do You Call This, Where Have You Been, Dinner Is Ruined" and on and on she went

The man was so exhausted he could not even be bothered explaining as it would only lead to an argument.

Pouring himself a drink he dragged his tired body upstairs and soaked in the tub.

As he was upstairs his wife watched the tv news and heard that Johnny Wright had finally been granted
a stay of execution.

Realising all her husbands hard work and what a bitch she had been she ran upstairs to tell him the news.

As she walked into the bathroom her husband was bending over naked drying his legs and feet.

They're not hanging Wright tonight she exclaimed.

The husband turned around and screamed

"For The Love Of God Woman, Don't You EVER Stop"?

[Eman]

LOL Karl

[keithgood838]

In late response to Marian's and L&H's enquiries about my celebrations
of St Patrick's Day last month, a written table quiz on the history of
the great saint formed part of a party I attended. One of the questions
asked: 'How did Saint Patrick drive the snakes out of Ireland?'
To which a jester at our table wrote: 'By car.'



PS Apologies for forgetting to post this item earlier.
(Legend has it that St Patrick herded the snakes out to sea.)