Today's Joke

[Eman]

LOL!!!

[keithgood838]

PURIFYING PROCESS

How do you make holy water?
Boil the hell out of it!

[Eman]

Keith, if I said that in my days at Catholic school, I'd probably be sent to 24/7 Chapel!! LOL..

[keithgood838]

We seem to have started a theological theme here, Eman.
Let's run with it:

SAVING GRACE

Three boys are singing the praises of their respective dads
in the school yard. The first boy declares:
'My dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper; he calls
it a poem and it earns him £25.'
The second boy asserts: 'That's nothing. My dad scribbles
a few words on a piece of paper; he calls it a song and it earns
him £50.'
The third boy exclaims: 'I've got both of you beaten. My dad
scribbles a few words on a piece of paper; he calls it a sermon
and it takes eight people to collect all the money!'

[Eman]

Keith, I think you're looking for a lifetime in the confessionals with unlimited penances!! LOL... Nice one!!!

[keithgood838]

HAPPINESS
(defined in black & white)

Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl
whispered to her mother:
'Why is the bride dressed in white?'
Her mother replied: 'Because white is the colour
of happiness, and today is the happiest day of her life.'
The little girl considered the explanation for a few moments,
then asked: 'So why is the groom wearing black?'

[karl]

A little girl was taken to her first church service and behaved beautifully.

Half way through the service the minister walked over to the lectern which had a microphone and the little girl said loudly:-

IS HE GOING TO TELL JOKES NOW!

[keithgood838]

THOUGHT TRANSFERENCE

Two boys are returning home after being subjected
to a fire-and-brimstone sermon about the devil.
One boy enquired of the other:
'What do you make of all this Satan stuff?'
To which his pal replied: 'You know how Santa Claus
turned out; it's probably your dad.'

[keithgood838]

FOOTBALL GAG

The behaviour of Suarez
is a disconcerting puzzle;
maybe the best answer is:
the terrier should wear a muzzle.

[Eman]

Keith and Karl...ha ha ha.. love em' !! Keep them comin'!!

[Marian]

Absolutely Brilliant


The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility.

As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5- year phase-in plan that would become known as "Euro-English".

In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c".. Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of "k". This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f".. This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.

Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.

Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent "e" in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.

By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v".

During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vordskontaining "ou" and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensi bl riten styl.

Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi TU understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.

Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas.

If zis mad you smil, pleas pas on to loza pepl.

[keithgood838]

VE HAVE VAYS ...

Let uz hope vings vill not go zat far,
vitch they vould have had Hitler von the var.
(And life vould be anyzing but vunderbar.)

[Eman]

OMG.. Marian, that's funny..

[Lena & Harry Smith]

Very funny Marian and Keith
In spite of a war going on it reminds us of some enjoyable evenings being entertained at the old Kilburn Empire by a comedian and a band of crazy musicians.
Getting mass enthusiasm from the audience, they would play the song Der Fuehrers Face ... which went like this...
Ven de Fuehrer says Ve iss der master race Ve Heil, Heil, right in the Fuehrers Face. At this point everyone joined in enthusiastically with a raspberry, accompanied by a two fingered salute

[Marian]

Great fun Lena and Harry!