Today's Joke

[keithgood838]

KINGSTON-UPON-HULL
(For Robert M)

When you can raise a glass in toast
to the city of culture on the coast,
then basking in distinction's ease
you can give short shrift to northeasterlies,
while Larkin vouchsafes an approving wave
from his vantage point beyond the grave.

Keith Good

[Eman]

LOL Keith... I bet the biker chick was pushed off the cliff!!! Ha ha.. Hot and summery here but clouds in the morning.

[ROBERT M.]

KINGSTON-UPON-HULL
(For Robert M)

When you can raise a glass in toast
to the city of culture on the coast,
then basking in distinction's ease
you can give short shrift to northeasterlies,
while Larkin vouchsafes an approving wave
from his vantage point beyond the grave.

Keith Good

Cheers "hic hic" for that Keith, it must be your best ever piece of work ............Mr Larkin would be proud of you

[keithgood838]

I hope we are not celebrating prematurely, Robert.

TAXING TIMES

Speaking of celebrations, I visited my local vintner
recently to purchase the wherewithal to mark the occasion
of my team's survival in the Barnet Table Tennis League's
premier division. I enquired hesitantly: 'How much is the Merlot?'
'£12.95 plus VAT,' he intoned.
I replied: 'Forget the VAT, I only need two bottles.'

[Eman]

LOL Keith!!

[ROBERT M.]

Thick Fog outside now.............bloomin' weather

[Eman]

Robert/Keith - It's foggy here but very very humid. Then it burns off and gets really hot. Have a headache at the moment because of the weather changes from cold to hot, than back to REALLY HOT!! lol!! Typical San Diego weather and I'd rather be at the beach jumping in the warm ocean water for a swim. LOL

[keithgood838]

We in the south of England could compete with your
San Diego weather comfortably (or not as the case may be)
at the moment, Eman.

NAUGHTY NEOLOGISMS

An 11 percent payrise for politicians
seems like a bloomin' cheek;
here are some interpretations
of parliamentary-speak:

'As the honourable member is aware,
I have nothing to hide.'
Subtext: 'You sod, how did you find out?'

Honourable member
Subtext: Two-faced git

Right honourable member
Subtext: Right two-faced git

Fact-finding mission
Subtext: Freebie holiday

We're holding an inquiry
Subtext: Forget it!

All night sitting
Subtext: I shouldn't have
had all of those oysters

[keithgood838]

NUMERICAL NUANCE

A Roman enters a bar, sticks two fingers up
to the barman, and requests: 'Five pints please'.

[karl]

I saw this on a T shirt in as store window near the theatre last night which made me laugh.

Jesus Is Coming - Look Busy.

[Eman]

LOL.. I'm trying Karl, I'm trying!! LOL!!

[keithgood838]

THE SECOND COMING

Jesus is not just on his way,
he has graced the t.v. screen;
he 'appeared' on This Morning today
with fair Mary Magdalene.

Courteous, smiling and serene,
batting Eamonn's probes away.
At the risk of incurring hallowed spleen
viewers weren't born yesterday.

[Eman]

Lol Keith!

[keithgood838]

Hi Eman, I have been known to dabble
in political satire:

STICKS AND CARROTS

To stop them being shirkers,
we take money from the poor;
yet to make them better workers,
we give the rich even more ...

[Eman]

Ha ha Keith sounds like my job