Eman, we were in Ballinasloe, county Galway, for a Gathering
of my wife Mary's family diaspora. My contribution to the celebrations
at the sumptuous Carlton Shearwater Hotel comprised four songs,
two of which our Matt recorded, How Do You Do? and My Way. I felt
Matt's presence at my shoulder during the latter, such was the
intensity of my performance - he says modestly.
A winning Tim Vine one-liner on the subject of holidays: 'I just returned
from a once-in-lifetime holiday; I tell you what, never again.'
MEMORY'S MISDEMEANOURS
A very elderly couple were experiencing great difficulty remembering
so they consulted their doctor on the matter. He recommended that
instead of relying on their waning powers of recall they should simply
write things down. They agreed to follow his advice.
That evening the wife declared that she fancied some ice-cream.
'I'll get you some from the fridge,' her husband offered.
'Okay, but remember what the doctor said, write it down.'
'For goodness sake, I'll remember something as simple as ice-cream,'
he replied with barely disguised irritation in his voice.
'I think I would like some of that leftover jelly with it; write it down.'
'Do you really think I couldn't remember ice-cream and jelly?'
'There's a chocolate flake in the fridge, I'll have that as well;
write it down.'
'I can easily remember ice-cream with jelly and a flake,' he asserted
confidently. Some 20 minutes later he returned bearing a plate
of bacon and eggs.
She glared at him and disdainfully and declared:
'You forgot the sausage!'
