Today's Joke

[Eman]

LOL Keith..hens meet...classic!!

[john]

That's a good one Keith.

[maxine]

[keithgood838]

Thanks folks; my plan was to utilise the henhouse
as a venue for civil partnership ceremonies - the best
'laid' plans of mice and men ...
We interrupt this flow of jocularity to bring you today's
Stock Market report:

MARKET MOVEMENTS

Helium was up, feathers were down.
Paper was stationary.

Fluorescent tubing was dimmed in light trading.
Knives were up sharply. Pencils lost a few points.

Hiking equipment was trailing. Elevators rose,
while escalators continued their slow decline.
Weights were up in heavy trading.

Mining equipment hit rock bottom. Diapers remained
unchanged. Soft drinks fizzled.

The market for raisins dried up. Balloon prices
were inflated - and toilet paper touched a new bottom.


We hope this news will see your your stocks in humour rise.

[Marian]

Very clever Keith. Hope there's a change to the diapers (or nappies) soon though, or the result may 'sore' through the roof!

[keithgood838]

RUNES READING

I'm sure your portfolio contains clean-ups in terms of nappies liquidity,
Marian; and notwithstanding that market's vagaries, you will have got
to the bottom of it.

[keithgood838]

Here's a topical attempt to make light of adversity:

HEADS ABOVE WATER

A motorist is driving down a flooded road after a night
of torrential rain. Suddenly he sees a man's head sticking
out of an enormous puddle.
He stops his car and asks the man if he needs a lift.
'No thanks,' comes the reply. 'I'm on my bike.'

[ROBERT M.]

Good un' Keith

[keithgood838]

Robert, I guess humour is the only form of relief
from the awful floods forcing those unfortunate
folk to survive surrounded by water:

BOAT PEOPLE

A craft carrying red paint crashed into
a boat transporting blue paint. Inevitably,
the crews were marooned.

[keithgood838]

TIME'S TOLL-TAKINGS

The term 'seaworthy vessel' still applies to him
though his superstructure is a little less trim;
he is slowed by arthritis in both of his knees
and his speech sometimes transitions into a wheeze.
Morpheus visits at mere intervals by night
yet dawn's bright arrival makes him feel all right.
Memory fails him, his head tends to spin
but he absolves fate of the state he is in.
How does he know that his best years are spent?
His faithless 'get up and go' got up and went.
Autumn years can be golden he has heard it said
but doubts gatecrash his mind when he gets into bed;
his ears stowed in a drawer, his teeth soaked in a cup,
his eyes table-top sentries until he wakes up.
When a raw whippersnapper his slippers were red
and he could, carefree, high-kick them over his head,
but then later in life his shoes turned Elvis-blue
yet he still had the verve to bop the whole night through.
Now in sad senescence his brogues are drab-black,
which he wears to the store trudging shoulder-stooped back.
Relieved to rise each morning he rounds up his wits
and consults his newspaper to read the obits;
not being named in dispatches confirms he's not dead
so he braces at breakfast for the day ahead.

[Eman]

LOL Keith!!!

[keithgood838]

Thanks Eman for putting your seal of approval
on my bit of nonsense.
A source of many of my humorous titbits has asked
if I can remember a song they loved called Still or
I Love You still. Eman can you or any other well-informed
music expert on the forum oblige?

PUNNING PROTECTION

This forum will be aware of my addiction
to word play and puns. Fortunately, I have
heard that in India one can get inoculated
against this kind of irresistible humour.
Therefore I intend to to fly there forthwith
to get a pun jab.

[Eman]

Hmmmm..Keith, the only song that would come to my mind with those lyrics at this moment would be
Still - by The Commodores from 1979. A little sad ditty..

With that said and reading your jokes..LOL!! Nonsense my eye keep em comin' cuz they make my day..

[Marian]

I enjoyed your little ditty Keith! A bit like my Peter but he's got his own teeth still

[Lena & Harry Smith]

Or maybe the Ray Price song.... Still though you broke my heart, Still though were far apart. I Love You Still ,
Still after all this time, still your still on my mind I love you still.
I've lost count of the hours and I've lost track of the time , I've lost everything I had and I nearly lost my mind. ........