Today's Joke

[keithgood838]

QUAYSIDE QUESTION

What do you call a woman tied up at a jetty?
Maud.

[ROBERT M.]

Zsa Zsa Gabor is now 98 years young

[Marian]

Good one Keith!
Zsa Zsa Gabor, wonderful to reach this great age!

[keithgood838]

Zsa Zsa Gabor - a longaeval lady.

LAUDING THE LADIES

To wine and women; may we always have a taste for both.

Here's to our wives,
they keep our hives
in little bees and honey.
They darn our socks,
they soothe life's shocks,
and don't they spend the money!

Here's to the ladies - first in our hearts
and first in our wallets.

To our sweethearts and wives.
May they never meet.

[Lena & Harry Smith]

How many husbands have I had ? apart from the ones I married ?
( Zsa Zsa Gabor.)

[Gray]

Lol

[Eman]

LOL OMG!!! Ha ha Keith

[keithgood838]

Thanks Eman.

A NEW LEAF

I read a report in yesterday's paper
that to me didn't make sense,
it said Jeremy Clarkson was now
in support of clean energy, road safety,
and racial tolerance.
Well bravo, Jes, we will always applaud
a sinner who repents.
I thought 'how cool'
then noticed the date,
'oh no, it's an April Fool!'

APPOSITE ANAGRAM

The British Broadcasting Corporation =
It bins that rich, sardonic Top Gear boor.

[Lena & Harry Smith]

Wow. Very good Keith.

We are expecting for sure that just like Jonathan Ross and Russell Brand, fisticuffs Clarkson will soon be forgiven.

[keithgood838]

Hello M&H, I'm sure you know a lot of 'she was only jokes ...'

SHE WAS ONLY ...

A barrister's daughter, but she kept a tight hold on her briefs.

A constable's daughter, but she wouldn't let the chief inspector.

An architects daughter, but she knew all the angles.

An artist's daughter, but she knew where to draw the line.

An electricians daughter, but she had all the right connections.

The stableman's daughter, but all the horse manure.

[Lena & Harry Smith]

The memory for jokes is not like it was Keith, but....
She was only an artists daughter, but she knew where to draw the line.
She was only a stockbrokers daughter, but every man got a fair share
She was only a plumbers daughter but she knew how to handle a hose.

[Eman]

Keith, Lena & Harry, you all are killing me..mwahahaha.. Keep em' coming. Nothing like a good laugh!!

[keithgood838]

Hi Eman, I knew L&H could be relied upon
to provide a few 'she was only' jokes.

GAMBLING GIRLS

What do you call a woman with a roulette wheel on her head?
Bette.

What do you call a woman who sets fire to her bills?
Bernadette.

[Eman]

Hi Keith.. lol!! Bernadette indeed. LOL

[keithgood838]

Here are a few giggles, Eman.

PUN FUN?

Best restaurant for your granny's birthday party?
Nando's.

Poor Cliff Richard is still getting online abuse;
he's got himself some spying, talking, tweeting,
stalking, living trolls.

Supposed to be chauffering a female vicar,
but I drove pastor.

I've got a friend who's obsessed with completing
his Beatles collection - he needs Help.

Someone hit me with a sweet-smelling burning stick;
I was incensed.