Your sailor joke reminds me of a tv show called CPO Sharkey starring Don Rickles.Today's Joke
Re: Today's Joke
LOL Keith!!! Your sailor joke reminds me of a tv show called CPO Sharkey starring Don Rickles.
Your sailor joke reminds me of a tv show called CPO Sharkey starring Don Rickles.-
keithgood838
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Re: Today's Joke
Glad you enjoyed it Eman; good to hear from you.
OUT OF THE MOUTHS ...
A little boy developed the habit of sucking his thumb
so in an attempt to scare him out of it his mother told him
that if he continued to suck his thumb he would grow fat.
A couple of day days later, the mother invited some friends
over for coffee. The boy pointed at a heavily pregnant woman
and declared: 'Ah ha, I know what you've been doing!'
OUT OF THE MOUTHS ...
A little boy developed the habit of sucking his thumb
so in an attempt to scare him out of it his mother told him
that if he continued to suck his thumb he would grow fat.
A couple of day days later, the mother invited some friends
over for coffee. The boy pointed at a heavily pregnant woman
and declared: 'Ah ha, I know what you've been doing!'
Last edited by keithgood838 on Mon Oct 12, 2015 3:02 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Lena & Harry Smith
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- Location: London UK
Re: Today's Joke
That's kids for you Keith 
A little boy asks his Dad if they could have a cat. His dad's reply....no son we can't, your mummy is allergic to them.
Oh say's the child ..well can we have one when she dies. !!
A little boy asks his Dad if they could have a cat. His dad's reply....no son we can't, your mummy is allergic to them.
Oh say's the child ..well can we have one when she dies. !!
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keithgood838
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Re: Today's Joke
At least their utterances provide inadvertent humour
L&H, the best kind:
OUT OF THE MOUTHS ...
(part two)
A little boy greets his grandma with a hug
and exclaims:
'I'm so glad to see you, grandma! Now maybe
Dad will do the trick he promised us.'
'What trick's that, dear?' she enquires.
'Well,' the boy begins excitedly, 'I heard Daddy
tell Mummy that he would climb the walls
if you came to visit us again.'
L&H, the best kind:
OUT OF THE MOUTHS ...
(part two)
A little boy greets his grandma with a hug
and exclaims:
'I'm so glad to see you, grandma! Now maybe
Dad will do the trick he promised us.'
'What trick's that, dear?' she enquires.
'Well,' the boy begins excitedly, 'I heard Daddy
tell Mummy that he would climb the walls
if you came to visit us again.'
Re: Today's Joke
Ha ha.. from the mouths of babes. LOL You guys just brightened my day!
Re: Today's Joke
Good one!
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keithgood838
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- Joined: Sun Feb 10, 2008 6:30 pm
Re: Today's Joke
FOR THE RECORD
Last night, during a banal television period,
I played one of my classic seventies Matt Monro
LPs. Prior to lovingly placing the stylus, I recited
the numbers from ten back to zero - it was the
vinyl countdown.
Last night, during a banal television period,
I played one of my classic seventies Matt Monro
LPs. Prior to lovingly placing the stylus, I recited
the numbers from ten back to zero - it was the
vinyl countdown.
Re: Today's Joke
I have often wondered if and when the final edition Countdown is shown on channel 4 ...........will they play out with the song ..............The Final Countdown by the 80's group Europe ...........https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9jK-NcRmVcw.............
...........https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9jK-NcRmVcw............."My Tears Will Fall Now That You're Gone,
I Can't Help But Cry, But I Must Go On"
I Can't Help But Cry, But I Must Go On"
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keithgood838
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- Joined: Sun Feb 10, 2008 6:30 pm
Re: Today's Joke
That seems very possible, Robert. I'm off for a week
playing golf in Ireland - here's a bit of nonsense to be
going on with:
REINDEER RENDITION
A male contestant on a game show was asked
to name two of Santa's reindeer to which he replied
'Rudolph and Olive.'
The host was a bit taken aback: 'We can accept
Rudolph, but Olive? Where did you get that?'
The guy began to sing: 'Olive the other reindeer ...'
playing golf in Ireland - here's a bit of nonsense to be
going on with:
REINDEER RENDITION
A male contestant on a game show was asked
to name two of Santa's reindeer to which he replied
'Rudolph and Olive.'
The host was a bit taken aback: 'We can accept
Rudolph, but Olive? Where did you get that?'
The guy began to sing: 'Olive the other reindeer ...'
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keithgood838
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- Joined: Sun Feb 10, 2008 6:30 pm
Re: Today's Joke
IN FLAGRANTE DELICTO
Did you hear about the thief who stole from a blood bank?
He was caught red-handed.
ARTLESS ARTISAN
Why did the incompetent potter have a glazed look on his face?
He'd just been fired.
Did you hear about the thief who stole from a blood bank?
He was caught red-handed.
ARTLESS ARTISAN
Why did the incompetent potter have a glazed look on his face?
He'd just been fired.
Re: Today's Joke
LOL..Omg!! Keith. LOL!!!
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keithgood838
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- Joined: Sun Feb 10, 2008 6:30 pm
Re: Today's Joke
Here's one that is right up your theological street, Eman:
TIME & MONEY
A man trying to understand the nature of the deity
asked the almighty: 'God, how long is a million years to you?'
God replied: 'A million years is like a minute.'
The man then asked: 'God, how much is a million
dollars to you?'
God replied: 'A million dollars is like a penny.'
Finally the man asked: 'God, could you give me a penny?'
And God said: 'In a minute.'
TIME & MONEY
A man trying to understand the nature of the deity
asked the almighty: 'God, how long is a million years to you?'
God replied: 'A million years is like a minute.'
The man then asked: 'God, how much is a million
dollars to you?'
God replied: 'A million dollars is like a penny.'
Finally the man asked: 'God, could you give me a penny?'
And God said: 'In a minute.'
Re: Today's Joke
LOL!!! Ha ha.. Bet the man was shocked. Ha ha.
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keithgood838
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- Joined: Sun Feb 10, 2008 6:30 pm
Re: Today's Joke
ESCAPE CLAUSE
The judge enquired of the defendant:
'What is your occupation?'
'I'm a locksmith your honour.'
'Then explain to me what you were doing
in a jewellers' shop at 2.30 in the morning?'
Came the reply: 'I was making a bolt for the door.'
The judge enquired of the defendant:
'What is your occupation?'
'I'm a locksmith your honour.'
'Then explain to me what you were doing
in a jewellers' shop at 2.30 in the morning?'
Came the reply: 'I was making a bolt for the door.'
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keithgood838
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- Joined: Sun Feb 10, 2008 6:30 pm
Re: Today's Joke
DISCREDITING DISCOURSE
An elderly lady driver is stopped by a policeman for speeding.
He asks to see her driving licence; she says she hasn't got one
because she's been banned. He asks to see her car insurance,
which she doesn't have, and she blithely informs him that she
didn't renew her MOT certificate.
She couldn't get road tax because she had no insurance or MOT
certificate. She then matter-of-factly informs the policeman that
there is a dead body in the boot.
The disconcerted officer radios a colleague requesting he takes the
old lady to the police station. When he arrives he asks her to confirm
what she told the first policeman. She replies indignantly: 'Don't be
silly; I'm 100 % legal,' and proceeds to show him her licence, insurance,
road tax and MOT certificate. She then opens the boot to show him
it's empty.
'And I suppose the officer told you I was speeding, too.'
An elderly lady driver is stopped by a policeman for speeding.
He asks to see her driving licence; she says she hasn't got one
because she's been banned. He asks to see her car insurance,
which she doesn't have, and she blithely informs him that she
didn't renew her MOT certificate.
She couldn't get road tax because she had no insurance or MOT
certificate. She then matter-of-factly informs the policeman that
there is a dead body in the boot.
The disconcerted officer radios a colleague requesting he takes the
old lady to the police station. When he arrives he asks her to confirm
what she told the first policeman. She replies indignantly: 'Don't be
silly; I'm 100 % legal,' and proceeds to show him her licence, insurance,
road tax and MOT certificate. She then opens the boot to show him
it's empty.
'And I suppose the officer told you I was speeding, too.'