Today's Joke

Gray · Post by **Gray** » Tue Jan 13, 2009 9:48 pm

that has made me smile, Keith.

I heard on the news today Marks & Spencer are the latest retailer to hit hardship and are to be bought out by Poundstretcher.

The new chain of shops are to be called 'StretchMarks'.

keithgood838 · Post by **keithgood838** » Tue Jan 13, 2009 10:01 pm

Nice one Gray, although it does 'stretch' credulity I fear;
and won't the new company be disadvantaged by its soft
underbelly?

Keith

Lena & Harry Smith · Post by **Lena & Harry Smith** » Tue Jan 13, 2009 10:27 pm

yes nice one Gray,
Made us smile too Keith. We can nod and shake our head to a few of those listed but we're not saying which

Gray · Post by **Gray** » Wed Jan 14, 2009 7:40 am

I did laugh at your list Keith, it was very good.

Last week I watched Carry On Cowboy and burst out laughing when Sid James was explaining how the Apache were very inconsistant when passing round the peace pipe.
"One minute it was 'Peace on', the next 'Peace Off' "

That really tickled me

keithgood838 · Post by **keithgood838** » Fri Jan 16, 2009 1:12 pm

LONG ROADS

Sean, Seamus (not our Seamus) and Paddy were staggering
home from the pub when they stopped at the local cemetery.
'Look,' exclaimed Seamus, 'there's Michael O'Grady's grave,
he lived to age 87.'
'The person buried here lived to be 95 years old,' declared Sean.
'That's no age compared to the person buried here,' shouted
Paddy triumphantly, 'he lived to be 145.'
'Whas his name?' slurred his inebriated companions.
'Miles from Dublin,' replied Paddy.

Keith

mariana44 · Post by **mariana44** » Fri Jan 16, 2009 3:28 pm

Thanks Keith, for making me smile on a gloomy day !!

ROBERT M. · Post by **ROBERT M.** » Sat Jan 17, 2009 12:18 am

Lena & Harry Smith · Post by **Lena & Harry Smith** » Sat Jan 17, 2009 1:40 am

Thanks keith, we need something to smile about, we're in for some lousy weather this weekend.
WOMEN.... A man is dining in a fancy restaurant and there is a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table. He has been checking her out since he sat down, but lacks the nerve to talk to her.
Suddenly she sneezes, and her glass eye comes flying out of it's socket towards the man.
He reflexively reaches out, grabs it out of the air, and hands it back.
Oh my, I am so sorry " the woman says as she pops her eye back in place. Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you" she says.
They enjoy a wonderful dinner together, and afterwards they go to the theatre followed by drinks. They talk, they laugh, she shares her deepest dreams and he shares his. She listens.
After paying for everything she asks him if he would like to come to her place for a nightcap and stay for breakfast.
They had a wonderful time
The next morning she cooks a delicious gourmet breakfast meal with all the trimming s. The man is amazed. Everything had been so incredible.
"You know" he said, ..you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every guy that you meet ?
"No" she replies...... " You just happened to catch my eye. "

mariana44 · Post by **mariana44** » Sat Jan 17, 2009 1:09 pm

very good-I have not heard that one before !

keithgood838 · Post by **keithgood838** » Sat Jan 17, 2009 3:28 pm

Great laugh L&H, he must have been a table tennis player,
someone accustomed to coping deftly with a small sphere
flying towards him 'across a crowded room'. Loved it!

Keith

keithgood838 · Post by **keithgood838** » Tue Jan 20, 2009 1:00 pm

PUBLISHING PRETENSIONS

The Times is read by people who run the country

The Guardian is read by people who would like to run the country

The Financial Times is read by people who own the country

The Daily Telegraph is read by people who remember
the country as it used to be

The Daily Express is run by people who think is still like that

The Daily Mail is read by the wives of men who run the country

The Daily Mirror (which once tried to run the country) is read
by people who think they run the country

The Morning Star is read by people who would like another
country to run the country

The Independent (once owned and run by the Mirror) is read
by people who wouldn't dream of reading the Mirror

The Daily Sport - give over! Nobody actually reads the Daily Sport

The Sun - well, it has filled a gap in the market, the oldest
in the world

Keith

mariana44 · Post by **mariana44** » Tue Jan 20, 2009 1:50 pm

What about people like me who get all their news from Teletext ???

I rarely buy a paper these days.

Marian · Post by **Marian** » Tue Jan 20, 2009 4:19 pm

Teletext is read by wise people who don't believe all the hype and garbage most of the newspapers feed us.

Marian.

mariana44 · Post by **mariana44** » Tue Jan 20, 2009 5:58 pm

That sounds about right

keithgood838 · Post by **keithgood838** » Tue Jan 20, 2009 8:19 pm

My post was intended as a bit of a joke, ladies.
Which, come to think of it, perhaps also applies
to the newspapers which are a 'bit of a joke', especially
their political content.

Anyway, I'm about to commune with Matt on a 24-track
(all new to me) homemade CD kindly sent to me by
my good friend, Ed, in Orlando. Excuse me now,
sheer musical bliss awaits.

Keith