Elevated Alert
The English are feeling the pinch in relation
to recent terrorist threats, and have therefore
raised their security level from "Miffed" to
"Peeved". Soon, though, security levels
may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even
"A Bit Cross". The English have not been "A
Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940, when tea
supplies nearly ran out. Terrorists have
been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "A
Bloody Nuisance". The last time the British
issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level
was in 1588, when threatened by the
Spanish Armada.
The Scots have raised their threat level from
"Pissed Off" to "Let's get the none".
They don't have any other levels. This is
the reason they have been used on the front
line of the British army for the last 300 years.
The French government announced
yesterday that it has raised its terror alert
level from "Run" to "Hide". The only two
higher levels in France are "Collaborate"
and "Surrender". The rise was precipitated
by a recent fire that destroyed France's
white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the
country's military capability.
Italy has increased the alert level from
"Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to "Elaborate
Military Posturing". Two more levels remain:
"Ineffective Combat Operations" and
"Change Sides".
The Germans have increased their alert
state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress
in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs". They
also have two higher levels: "Invade a
Neighbor" and "Lose".
Belgians, on the other hand, are all on
holiday as usual; the only threat they are
worried about is NATO pulling out of
Brussels.
The Spanish are all excited to see their new
submarines ready to deploy. These
beautifully designed subs have glass
bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a
really good look at the old Spanish navy.
Americans meanwhile, and as usual, are
carrying out pre-emptive strikes on all of
their allies "just in case".
Canada doesn't have any alert levels.
New Zealand has raised its security levels -
from "baaa" to "BAAAA". Due to continuing
defense cutbacks, New Zealand has only
one more level of escalation, which is "I
hope Australia will come and rescue us".
Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security
level from "No worries" to "She'll be right,
mate". Three more escalation levels remain:
"Crikey!", "I think we'll need to cancel the
barbie this weekend" and "The barbie is
cancelled". So far no situation has ever
warranted use of the final escalation level.
) courtesy of Ed.
....................a good un' 
