Today's Joke

[ROBERT M.]

Senior health care solution -

So you're a sick senior citizen and the government says there is no nursing home available for you - what do you do?

Our plan gives anyone 65 years or older a gun and 4 bullets.
You are allowed to shoot 2 MP’s and 2 illegal immigrants!

Of course, this means you will be sent to prison where you will get 3 meals a day, a roof over your head, central heating, air conditioning and all the health care you need! New teeth - no problem. Need glasses, great. New hip, knees, kidney, lungs, heart? All covered. (And your kids can come and visit you as often as they do now).

And who will be paying for all of this? The same government that just told you that you they cannot afford for you to go into a home.

Plus, because you are a prisoner, you don't have to pay any income taxes anymore.
IS THIS A GREAT COUNTRY OR WHAT?

P.S. Can we all have extra bullets ?? There are a lot of CON/LIB MPs and Illegals out there !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Lena & Harry Smith]

Sums it all up Robert, but here we go again limiting the over 65s to just Four bullets.

[Marian]

Ha ha!

[Marian]

5 RIDDLES




Answers at the bottom, but don't look there too quickly!


1. A murderer is condemned to death. He has to choose between three rooms. The first is full of raging fires. The second is full of assassins with loaded guns. The third is full of lions that haven't eaten in 3 years.. Which room is safest for him?

2. A woman shoots her husband. Then she holds him under water for over 5 minutes... Finally, she hangs him. But 5 minutes later they both go out together and enjoy a wonderful dinner together. How can this be?

3. What is black when you buy it, red when you use it, and gray when you throw it away?

4. Can you name three consecutive days without using the words Wednesday, Friday, or Sunday?

5. This is an unusual paragraph. I'm curious as to just how quickly you can find out what is so unusual about it. It looks so ordinary and plain that you would think nothing was wrong with it. In fact, nothing is wrong with it! It is highly unusual though. Study it and think about it, but you still may not find anything odd.. But if you work at it a bit, you might find out. Try to do so without any coaching!

THE ANSWERS TO ALL FIVE THE RIDDLES ARE BELOW:

























Answers:

1. The third room. Lions that haven't eaten in three years are dead. That one was easy, right?

2. The woman was a photographer. She shot a picture of her husband, developed it, and hung it up to dry (shot; held under water; and hung).

3. Charcoal, as it is used in barbecuing.

4. Sure you can name three consecutive days, yesterday, today, and tomorrow!

5. The letter e, which is the most common letter used in the English language, does not appear even once in the paragraph.


How did you do? If I'm honest, not very well, hope you do better!!!







.

[keithgood838]

Confession time, Marian. I failed the riddles test
miserably; perhaps I should have persevered.
However I enjoyed the read, especially riddle two:
a gruesome tale with a glorious ending.

IGNORANT IRONY

Kate Moss sashays down the catwalk
defiantly puffing away,
unwittingly cocking a snook
at national No Smoking Day.

[mariana44]

I got 3 out of the 5 riddles, so quite pleased with myself--especially as it is nearly bedtime and I am a little sleepy !!

[Lena & Harry Smith]

I failed them all

[Gray]

I only got one!!!

Brilliant riddles, Marian! Thank you!

[Sandra]

I failed too !!

[ROBERT M.]

The Sensitive Man

A woman meets a man in a bar.
They talk; they connect; they end
up leaving together.
They get back to his place,
and as he shows her around his
apartment
She notices that one wall of his
bedroom is
completely filled with soft, sweet,
cuddly teddy bears.
There are three shelves in the
bedroom,
with hundreds and hundreds of cute,
cuddly teddy bears carefully placed
in rows, covering the entire wall!
It was obvious that he had taken
quite some time to lovingly arrange them
and she was immediately touched
by the amount of thought he had
put into organizing the display.
There were small bears all along
the bottom shelf,
medium-sized bears covering the
length of the middle shelf,
and huge, enormous bears running
all the way along the top shelf.
She found it strange for an
obviously masculine guy
to have such a large collection of
Teddy Bears,
She is quite impressed by his
sensitive side.
but doesn't mention this to him.
They share a bottle of wine and
continue talking and,
after awhile, she finds herself
thinking,
'Oh my God! Maybe, this guy
could be the one!
Maybe he could be the future
father of my children?'
She turns to him and kisses him
lightly on the lips
He responds warmly.
They continue to kiss, the passion builds,
and he romantically lifts her in
his arms and carries her into his bedroom
where they rip off each other's
clothes and make hot, steamy love.
She is so overwhelmed that she
responds with more passion,
more creativity, more heat than she
has ever known.
After an intense, explosive night
of raw passion with this sensitive guy,
they are lying there together in
the afterglow.
The woman rolls over, gently
strokes his chest and asks coyly,
'Well, how was it?'
The guy gently smiles at her,
strokes her cheek,
looks deeply into her eyes,



and says:


'Help yourself to any prize
............................................from the MIDDLE shelf'

[ROBERT M.]

I hope our Henry is OK, he has not been on here since March 3rd

[Marian]

He's gone on holiday Robert. He did tell us on one of the threads here.

[mariana44]

Oh Robert----I did not know what to expect at the end--but it was funny, and I did laugh---have you ever thought of applying to Mills and Boon to write one of their books ?????

[ROBERT M.]

Marian #1 - thanks for putting my mind at rest about Henry I usually read all the posts, but must have "blanked" it from my memory

Marian #2 - These jokes are emails I receive from people, I just paste and copy them on here so there is no romantic writer hidden in me

[mariana44]

I am disapponted Robert--I thought we might have a potential famous author on our Forum.