Today's Joke

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karl
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Re: Today's Joke

Post by karl » Sun Dec 13, 2015 12:00 am

And also enough to put anyone off learning English I am always so impressed with people who speak other languages.There were very few words and phrases that my dad got wrong but he sometimes got a phrase the wrong way round.

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keithgood838
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Re: Today's Joke

Post by keithgood838 » Mon Dec 14, 2015 8:37 pm

Hello L&H, not a joke this time. Should you still be in
contact with your Irish hairdresser, Lena, she may be
interested to know that a musical biography entitled
'Dusty' is currently showing at the Charing Cross Theatre
starring Alison Arnopp from my home town of Bandon in
West Cork. The young lady is possessed of a very listenable
voice. Of course you will know that Dusty herself was also
Irish, Marie O'Brien.

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Lena & Harry Smith
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Re: Today's Joke

Post by Lena & Harry Smith » Tue Dec 15, 2015 11:00 am

I'll be seeing Eileen next week Keith, and I'll mention this to her. Her family that she visit's regularly are from County Clare !! :)

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karl
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Re: Today's Joke

Post by karl » Sat Dec 19, 2015 9:30 am

The Dusty show ended It's extended run a few weeks ago, also Keith Dusty was not Marie she was Mary and her parents were Irish & Scottish.

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keithgood838
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Re: Today's Joke

Post by keithgood838 » Mon Dec 21, 2015 11:52 am

Karl,
How could I be so remiss
with the grand old name,
since my darling missus
is blest with the very same.

CHRISTMAS CONCEPTS

A father asked his daughter what she would like for Christmas.
She said she what she wanted more than anything was a baby
brother. And so it happened that on Christmas Eve her mother
came home clutching a baby boy.
The following year the father again asked his daughter what she
would like for Christmas.
'Well,' she replied hesitantly, 'if it's not too uncomfortable for Mummy,
I would like a pony.'

:wink:

I wish everyone on this forum happiness at Christmas
combined with good health in the new year.

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karl
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Re: Today's Joke

Post by karl » Mon Dec 21, 2015 2:06 pm

Keith
My mum was also a Mary but everyone called her Betty as Elizabeth was her middle name.
Your lapse we will put down to either a senior moment or a bad hair day - you choose!
Dusty's full title was Mary Catherine Bernadette Isobel O'Brien.

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Eman
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Re: Today's Joke

Post by Eman » Tue Dec 22, 2015 2:39 am

LOL.. Keith, Merry Christmas! Loved the joke!!

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keithgood838
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Re: Today's Joke

Post by keithgood838 » Wed Dec 23, 2015 12:08 pm

Thanks and Merry Christmas to you, Eman.

PUNOGRAPHIC PRONOUNCEMENTS :roll:

I tried to catch some fog - I mist.

A soldier who survived mustard gas and
pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

I stayed up all night to see where the sun went,
and then it dawned on me.

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity - I can't put it down.

They told me I had type A blood - but it is a type O.

I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger -
then it hit me.

Why were the indians here first? They had reservations.

How do you make holy water? Boil the hell out of it.

I know a guy who is addicted to brake fluid - he says
he can stop at any time.

:wink:

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keithgood838
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Re: Today's Joke

Post by keithgood838 » Sun Jan 17, 2016 6:27 pm

RELOCATION RESOLUTION

A new business was opening and one of the owner's
friends wanted to to mark the occasion. When the
flowers he sent arrived at the new premises, the
attached card read: 'Rest in peace.'
The owner was predictably angry and called the florist
to complain. 'I'm desperately sorry for the mistake,'
pleaded the florist, 'but rather than getting angry
consider this: somewhere there is a funeral taking
place today and they have flowers with a card saying:
'Congratulations on your new location!'

:wink:

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Eman
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Re: Today's Joke

Post by Eman » Sun Jan 17, 2016 10:08 pm

LOL Keith! Best way to rectify a mistake. LOL

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keithgood838
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Re: Today's Joke

Post by keithgood838 » Tue Jan 19, 2016 8:31 pm

I've been very busy lately, Eman, trying to compose
a pair of verses based on Irish mythology; one virtually
gave birth to itself while the other turned out to be
a forceps delivery - it arrived kicking and appearing
reluctant to spring into literary life. Bizarrely, they
seem to have equal merit on being read.
On the subject of things written:

LITERARY LOWDOWN

Did you hear about the book on cowardice?
It had no spine.

Did you hear about the book on copyright infringement?
It had legal binding.

Did you hear about the book on fashion?
It had a smart jacket.

Did you hear about the new Chinese cookbook?
101 ways to wok your dog.

:roll:

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Eman
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Re: Today's Joke

Post by Eman » Thu Jan 21, 2016 3:18 am

Keith, LOL No problem. This made me smile!!! Ha ha..

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keithgood838
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Re: Today's Joke

Post by keithgood838 » Thu Jan 21, 2016 11:47 am

TALL TALES TOLD

A little girl asked her father:
'Do all fairy tales begin with
"Once upon a time?"'
'No,' he replied, 'sometimes they begin
with: 'If I am elected.'

:wink:
Last edited by keithgood838 on Fri Feb 12, 2016 12:45 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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karl
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Re: Today's Joke

Post by karl » Fri Jan 22, 2016 1:59 pm

keithgood838 wrote:TALL TALES TOLD

A little girl asked her father:
'Do all fairy tales begin with
"Once upon a time?"'
'No,' he replied, 'sometimes the begin
with: 'If I am elected.'

:wink:
Keith the fairy tale is even more of a myth when If is substituted for When!!!!

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keithgood838
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Re: Today's Joke

Post by keithgood838 » Fri Jan 22, 2016 8:30 pm

Karl, politicians are such shrinking violet, modest types
they would never be so presumptuous as to assume their
election was a foregone conclusion.
:roll:

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