Today's Joke
- keithgood838
- Posts: 2478
- Joined: Sun Feb 10, 2008 6:30 pm
Re: Today's Joke
STAMPS OF AUTHORITY
A elderly Irish lady entered a post office to buy stamps for
her Christmas cards. 'What denomination would you like?'
enquired the counter clerk.
'Good heavens,' she exclaimed frustratedly, 'has bureaucracy
brought us to this silly state of affairs?' She considered
the question carefully and replied: ' I suppose you'd better
give me 20 Catholic and 20 Protestant ones.'
A elderly Irish lady entered a post office to buy stamps for
her Christmas cards. 'What denomination would you like?'
enquired the counter clerk.
'Good heavens,' she exclaimed frustratedly, 'has bureaucracy
brought us to this silly state of affairs?' She considered
the question carefully and replied: ' I suppose you'd better
give me 20 Catholic and 20 Protestant ones.'
Re: Today's Joke
Posting cards to Australia yesterday one cost more than the box of cards alone!!!!
- keithgood838
- Posts: 2478
- Joined: Sun Feb 10, 2008 6:30 pm
Re: Today's Joke
WESTMINSTER WIT
'There are two reasons why I can make these welcome
announcements today,' intoned the chancellor.
'Smoke and mirrors,' a parliamentary heckler chaffed.
I think the quip wasn't so out of order -
even the PM laughed.
'There are two reasons why I can make these welcome
announcements today,' intoned the chancellor.
'Smoke and mirrors,' a parliamentary heckler chaffed.
I think the quip wasn't so out of order -
even the PM laughed.
- keithgood838
- Posts: 2478
- Joined: Sun Feb 10, 2008 6:30 pm
Re: Today's Joke
CELESTIAL CLEANING
'In the beginning the world was without form and void.
And God said: "Let there be light." And God separated
the light from the the dark. And did two loads of laundry."'
'In the beginning the world was without form and void.
And God said: "Let there be light." And God separated
the light from the the dark. And did two loads of laundry."'
- keithgood838
- Posts: 2478
- Joined: Sun Feb 10, 2008 6:30 pm
Re: Today's Joke
CALL CENTRE CERTAINTY
An elderly lady tried to phone her local bank and was instead put
through to its call centre in India. The following exchange ensued:
'Is that the high street bank?'
'No madam, it is now company policy to deal with all phone enquiries
centrally, how can I help you?'
'I really need to speak to the branch.'
'Madam, there's nothing that the branch can help you with that can't
be dealt with by me,' came the reply in familiar Asian sing-song tones.
'Very well, then. Can you check on the counter; did I leave my gloves
behind when I came in this morning?'
An elderly lady tried to phone her local bank and was instead put
through to its call centre in India. The following exchange ensued:
'Is that the high street bank?'
'No madam, it is now company policy to deal with all phone enquiries
centrally, how can I help you?'
'I really need to speak to the branch.'
'Madam, there's nothing that the branch can help you with that can't
be dealt with by me,' came the reply in familiar Asian sing-song tones.
'Very well, then. Can you check on the counter; did I leave my gloves
behind when I came in this morning?'
Re: Today's Joke
"My Tears Will Fall Now That You're Gone,
I Can't Help But Cry, But I Must Go On"
I Can't Help But Cry, But I Must Go On"
- keithgood838
- Posts: 2478
- Joined: Sun Feb 10, 2008 6:30 pm
Re: Today's Joke
I'm glad you found that one titter-worthy, Robert.
CHRISTMAS CONNIVANCE
A few days before Christmas two young brothers
were spending the night at their grandparents' house.
At bedtime, and keen to be seen to be well behaved,
they knelt to say their prayers.
Suddenly, the younger boy began to do so in a very loud
voice: 'Dear God, I would like a table tennis set, and
a new bike for Christmas.'
His older brother leaned over and nudged him:
'Why are you shouting your prayers, God is not deaf?'
'I know, but grandma is!'
CHRISTMAS CONNIVANCE
A few days before Christmas two young brothers
were spending the night at their grandparents' house.
At bedtime, and keen to be seen to be well behaved,
they knelt to say their prayers.
Suddenly, the younger boy began to do so in a very loud
voice: 'Dear God, I would like a table tennis set, and
a new bike for Christmas.'
His older brother leaned over and nudged him:
'Why are you shouting your prayers, God is not deaf?'
'I know, but grandma is!'
Re: Today's Joke
even better than the previous joke Keith ......... I know you like table tennis Keith, but nowadays I don't think a table tennis set is high on kids Christmas list
"My Tears Will Fall Now That You're Gone,
I Can't Help But Cry, But I Must Go On"
I Can't Help But Cry, But I Must Go On"
Re: Today's Joke
That would be too old fashioned Robert.
- keithgood838
- Posts: 2478
- Joined: Sun Feb 10, 2008 6:30 pm
Re: Today's Joke
Actually Robert, my youngest grandson, Jack, 12, has taken
up table tennis at school and is hooked on it. His older brother,
Conor, is nearly three years his senior ...
PS Any connection between my grandsons and the boys
in the story is purely co-incidental.
up table tennis at school and is hooked on it. His older brother,
Conor, is nearly three years his senior ...
PS Any connection between my grandsons and the boys
in the story is purely co-incidental.
Last edited by keithgood838 on Thu Dec 10, 2015 8:27 pm, edited 1 time in total.
- keithgood838
- Posts: 2478
- Joined: Sun Feb 10, 2008 6:30 pm
Re: Today's Joke
DISHARMONY
Rihanna, Cher and Madonna have had a big falling out;
apparently they are no longer on first-name terms.
Rihanna, Cher and Madonna have had a big falling out;
apparently they are no longer on first-name terms.
Re: Today's Joke
..............yet Beyoncé, Adele and Lulu still get along famously
"My Tears Will Fall Now That You're Gone,
I Can't Help But Cry, But I Must Go On"
I Can't Help But Cry, But I Must Go On"
Re: Today's Joke
But does Duffy still get along with Seal?ROBERT M. wrote:..............yet Beyoncé, Adele and Lulu still get along famously
- keithgood838
- Posts: 2478
- Joined: Sun Feb 10, 2008 6:30 pm
Re: Today's Joke
ETYMOLOGY'S ECCENTRICITIES
We'll begin with a box and the plural is boxes,
but the plural of ox becomes oxen, not oxes.
One fowl is a goose but two are called geese,
yet the plural of moose should never be meese.
You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice,
yet the plural of house is houses, not hice.
If the plural of man is always called men,
why shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen?
If I speak of my foot and show you my feet
and I give you a boot, would a pair be beet?
If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth
why shouldn't the plural of booth be called beeth?
Then one may be that, and three would be those,
yet hat in the plural would never be hose.
And the plural of cat is cats, not cose.
We speak of a brother and also of brethren,
but though we say mother, we never say methren.
Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him,
but imagine the feminine: she, shis and shim!
We'll begin with a box and the plural is boxes,
but the plural of ox becomes oxen, not oxes.
One fowl is a goose but two are called geese,
yet the plural of moose should never be meese.
You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice,
yet the plural of house is houses, not hice.
If the plural of man is always called men,
why shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen?
If I speak of my foot and show you my feet
and I give you a boot, would a pair be beet?
If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth
why shouldn't the plural of booth be called beeth?
Then one may be that, and three would be those,
yet hat in the plural would never be hose.
And the plural of cat is cats, not cose.
We speak of a brother and also of brethren,
but though we say mother, we never say methren.
Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him,
but imagine the feminine: she, shis and shim!
Last edited by keithgood838 on Thu Jan 21, 2016 11:48 am, edited 1 time in total.
- Lena & Harry Smith
- Posts: 21514
- Joined: Tue Jul 12, 2005 10:05 am
- Location: London UK
Re: Today's Joke
Very clever Keith. and yet so confusing. Enough to put anyone off of coming here