Today's Joke
Re: Today's Joke
And also enough to put anyone off learning English I am always so impressed with people who speak other languages.There were very few words and phrases that my dad got wrong but he sometimes got a phrase the wrong way round.
- keithgood838
- Posts: 2478
- Joined: Sun Feb 10, 2008 6:30 pm
Re: Today's Joke
Hello L&H, not a joke this time. Should you still be in
contact with your Irish hairdresser, Lena, she may be
interested to know that a musical biography entitled
'Dusty' is currently showing at the Charing Cross Theatre
starring Alison Arnopp from my home town of Bandon in
West Cork. The young lady is possessed of a very listenable
voice. Of course you will know that Dusty herself was also
Irish, Marie O'Brien.
contact with your Irish hairdresser, Lena, she may be
interested to know that a musical biography entitled
'Dusty' is currently showing at the Charing Cross Theatre
starring Alison Arnopp from my home town of Bandon in
West Cork. The young lady is possessed of a very listenable
voice. Of course you will know that Dusty herself was also
Irish, Marie O'Brien.
- Lena & Harry Smith
- Posts: 21514
- Joined: Tue Jul 12, 2005 10:05 am
- Location: London UK
Re: Today's Joke
I'll be seeing Eileen next week Keith, and I'll mention this to her. Her family that she visit's regularly are from County Clare !!
Re: Today's Joke
The Dusty show ended It's extended run a few weeks ago, also Keith Dusty was not Marie she was Mary and her parents were Irish & Scottish.
- keithgood838
- Posts: 2478
- Joined: Sun Feb 10, 2008 6:30 pm
Re: Today's Joke
Karl,
How could I be so remiss
with the grand old name,
since my darling missus
is blest with the very same.
CHRISTMAS CONCEPTS
A father asked his daughter what she would like for Christmas.
She said she what she wanted more than anything was a baby
brother. And so it happened that on Christmas Eve her mother
came home clutching a baby boy.
The following year the father again asked his daughter what she
would like for Christmas.
'Well,' she replied hesitantly, 'if it's not too uncomfortable for Mummy,
I would like a pony.'
I wish everyone on this forum happiness at Christmas
combined with good health in the new year.
How could I be so remiss
with the grand old name,
since my darling missus
is blest with the very same.
CHRISTMAS CONCEPTS
A father asked his daughter what she would like for Christmas.
She said she what she wanted more than anything was a baby
brother. And so it happened that on Christmas Eve her mother
came home clutching a baby boy.
The following year the father again asked his daughter what she
would like for Christmas.
'Well,' she replied hesitantly, 'if it's not too uncomfortable for Mummy,
I would like a pony.'
I wish everyone on this forum happiness at Christmas
combined with good health in the new year.
Re: Today's Joke
Keith
My mum was also a Mary but everyone called her Betty as Elizabeth was her middle name.
Your lapse we will put down to either a senior moment or a bad hair day - you choose!
Dusty's full title was Mary Catherine Bernadette Isobel O'Brien.
My mum was also a Mary but everyone called her Betty as Elizabeth was her middle name.
Your lapse we will put down to either a senior moment or a bad hair day - you choose!
Dusty's full title was Mary Catherine Bernadette Isobel O'Brien.
Re: Today's Joke
LOL.. Keith, Merry Christmas! Loved the joke!!
- keithgood838
- Posts: 2478
- Joined: Sun Feb 10, 2008 6:30 pm
Re: Today's Joke
Thanks and Merry Christmas to you, Eman.
PUNOGRAPHIC PRONOUNCEMENTS
I tried to catch some fog - I mist.
A soldier who survived mustard gas and
pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
I stayed up all night to see where the sun went,
and then it dawned on me.
I'm reading a book about anti-gravity - I can't put it down.
They told me I had type A blood - but it is a type O.
I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger -
then it hit me.
Why were the indians here first? They had reservations.
How do you make holy water? Boil the hell out of it.
I know a guy who is addicted to brake fluid - he says
he can stop at any time.
PUNOGRAPHIC PRONOUNCEMENTS
I tried to catch some fog - I mist.
A soldier who survived mustard gas and
pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
I stayed up all night to see where the sun went,
and then it dawned on me.
I'm reading a book about anti-gravity - I can't put it down.
They told me I had type A blood - but it is a type O.
I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger -
then it hit me.
Why were the indians here first? They had reservations.
How do you make holy water? Boil the hell out of it.
I know a guy who is addicted to brake fluid - he says
he can stop at any time.
- keithgood838
- Posts: 2478
- Joined: Sun Feb 10, 2008 6:30 pm
Re: Today's Joke
RELOCATION RESOLUTION
A new business was opening and one of the owner's
friends wanted to to mark the occasion. When the
flowers he sent arrived at the new premises, the
attached card read: 'Rest in peace.'
The owner was predictably angry and called the florist
to complain. 'I'm desperately sorry for the mistake,'
pleaded the florist, 'but rather than getting angry
consider this: somewhere there is a funeral taking
place today and they have flowers with a card saying:
'Congratulations on your new location!'
A new business was opening and one of the owner's
friends wanted to to mark the occasion. When the
flowers he sent arrived at the new premises, the
attached card read: 'Rest in peace.'
The owner was predictably angry and called the florist
to complain. 'I'm desperately sorry for the mistake,'
pleaded the florist, 'but rather than getting angry
consider this: somewhere there is a funeral taking
place today and they have flowers with a card saying:
'Congratulations on your new location!'
Re: Today's Joke
LOL Keith! Best way to rectify a mistake. LOL
- keithgood838
- Posts: 2478
- Joined: Sun Feb 10, 2008 6:30 pm
Re: Today's Joke
I've been very busy lately, Eman, trying to compose
a pair of verses based on Irish mythology; one virtually
gave birth to itself while the other turned out to be
a forceps delivery - it arrived kicking and appearing
reluctant to spring into literary life. Bizarrely, they
seem to have equal merit on being read.
On the subject of things written:
LITERARY LOWDOWN
Did you hear about the book on cowardice?
It had no spine.
Did you hear about the book on copyright infringement?
It had legal binding.
Did you hear about the book on fashion?
It had a smart jacket.
Did you hear about the new Chinese cookbook?
101 ways to wok your dog.
a pair of verses based on Irish mythology; one virtually
gave birth to itself while the other turned out to be
a forceps delivery - it arrived kicking and appearing
reluctant to spring into literary life. Bizarrely, they
seem to have equal merit on being read.
On the subject of things written:
LITERARY LOWDOWN
Did you hear about the book on cowardice?
It had no spine.
Did you hear about the book on copyright infringement?
It had legal binding.
Did you hear about the book on fashion?
It had a smart jacket.
Did you hear about the new Chinese cookbook?
101 ways to wok your dog.
Re: Today's Joke
Keith, LOL No problem. This made me smile!!! Ha ha..
- keithgood838
- Posts: 2478
- Joined: Sun Feb 10, 2008 6:30 pm
Re: Today's Joke
TALL TALES TOLD
A little girl asked her father:
'Do all fairy tales begin with
"Once upon a time?"'
'No,' he replied, 'sometimes they begin
with: 'If I am elected.'
A little girl asked her father:
'Do all fairy tales begin with
"Once upon a time?"'
'No,' he replied, 'sometimes they begin
with: 'If I am elected.'
Last edited by keithgood838 on Fri Feb 12, 2016 12:45 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Re: Today's Joke
Keith the fairy tale is even more of a myth when If is substituted for When!!!!keithgood838 wrote:TALL TALES TOLD
A little girl asked her father:
'Do all fairy tales begin with
"Once upon a time?"'
'No,' he replied, 'sometimes the begin
with: 'If I am elected.'
- keithgood838
- Posts: 2478
- Joined: Sun Feb 10, 2008 6:30 pm
Re: Today's Joke
Karl, politicians are such shrinking violet, modest types
they would never be so presumptuous as to assume their
election was a foregone conclusion.
they would never be so presumptuous as to assume their
election was a foregone conclusion.