Matt Monro Forum

Here is the latest joke from my seven year old nephew:

"A friend of mine nearly drowned in a bowl of museli........he was pulled in by a large current!!!!" aaaagh!

I promise you they get WORSE!!!

Anna, that joke has been on the rampage for ages;
however, I'm glad your friend escaped the worst
excesses of that cereal killer.
Keith

Keith - yeah my nephew got it from my Dad, who sadly died in May at the age of 84 - he told the same jokes year after year, month after month - I think I prob heard that particular one when I was my nephew's age - and do you know something - we all still laughed, and meant it, every time we heard Daddy tell them jokes. Bless his lovely heart

I know just how you feel , Anna- I lost my husband just over 3 years ago-after 37 years together--and he would tell the same jokes over and over---but he always made me laugh !! It is a lovely legacy to leave behind--making people happy.

Here's one for Anna---apologies to all who have seen it elsewhere !

It can be told with either a Jewish accent, or a Scottish accent--last time it was with a Jewish accent, today I am doing a Scottish accent--[in my head]

Young Jimmy came home from school, very excited, and said to his Dad--"Guess what--I ran home all the way from school, behind the school bus, and saved my penny bus fare."

Dad clipped Jimmy round the ear---"Next time, run behind a taxi, and save £1.00" !!!

I have heard that so many times--but it still makes me smile ...

Mariana

What a howler - yes Dad told that one as well brilliant - especially since we are all from Aberdeen originally and prob know ALL the Aberdeen jokes by heart! It's all folklore honest - I've never met a stingy Aberdonian - it's actually the other way round - honest!! There is a brilliant postcard which depicts a very deserted Union Street (the main Street in Aberdeen) and the caption is "Aberdeen on Flag Day"

Marianna

Bless your heart dear - three years is no time at all and I know that you will miss your husband every day! Laughter is one of the very best medicines in this life and my Dad loved to laugh.......you bet he did..............."Do you know why the Lobster blushed by the way"?

I do not know why the lobster blushed---I'm guessing it may be to do with seeing the salad dressing ????

I do not know why the lobster blushed---I'm guessing it may be to do with seeing the salad dressing ????

That too.................and also cause the sea.....weed!!!

Oh , of course!

A husband and wife are shopping at their local supermarket
and the husband picks up a case of Budweiser and puts it in
their trolley.
'What do you think you're doing?
asks the wife.
'They're on sale, £10 for 24 cans,'
replies the husband.
'Put them back, we can't afford them,'
insists the wife.
A few aisles along, the wife picks up a £20 jar of face cream
and puts it in the trolley.
'What do you think you're doing?'
enquires the husband.
'It's my face cream; it makes me look beautiful,'
replies the wife.
The husband retorts,
'So does a 24-can case of Budweiser,
and it's half the price.'
Keith

WONDERFUL!!!!

Good one Keith!
Marian.

Here's an old one--from George --naturally.

2 Irishmen were on their way to work, when they were stopped by a Policeman.

"Where are you going" he asked.

"We're just t'ree fellas" was the reply.

"I can only see 2 of you--where's the other one" said the policeman.

"No, there's just 2 of us---we're going to the woods--we're Tree Fellers"!!

It's funnier if you read it in an Irish accent !!