Matt Monro Forum

VIRGINIA STYLE
Christmas Fruit Cake

You will need the following:

1 cup water ------------------- 1 cup sugar
4 large eggs ------------------ 1 cup dried fruit
1 teaspoon baking soda ----1 teaspoon salt
1 cup brown sugar ----------- 1 teaspoon lemon juice
2 cups nuts ----------- -------- 1 cup butter
1 bottle whiskey

Sample whiskey to check for quality.
Take a large bowl. To double check that the whiskey
is of the highest quality, pour one large cup and drink.
Repeat.
Turn on the electric mixer, beat one cup of butter in a
large fluffy bowl. Add half sugar and beat again.
Make sure the whiskey is still okay. Cry another cup.
Turn off the mixer. Break two eggs and add the bowl.
Chuck in the cups of dried fruit. Mix the turner.
If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaters, pry loose
with a drewscriver.
Sample one cup of whiskey to check for tonsisticity.
Next, sift two cups of salt, or something. Who cares?
Check the whiskey.
Now ... sift the lemon juice and strain your nuts.
Add one table and one spoon. Of sugar or something.
Well, whatever you can find.
Grease the oven. Turn the cage tin to 350 degrees.
Don't forget to beat off the turner. Throw the bowl
out the window. Check the whiskey again and go to bed.

Merry Christmas!

Keith

Sounds a good recipe Keith, I don't like whiskey though, could I change it to Vodka perhaps, or even Baileys seeing as it's for Christmas.

That's really funny Keith, and right now my sellotape machines broken and and I've lost the end of the tape, and I can't find One or Two addresses that I swore I put in my book
Now that could drive me to drink.
Ohhh It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas.

Very funny guys
I enjoyed reading your posts

Not very Christmassy this next story, but may I add a true tale please?

An American journalist decided to write a book about famous churches around the world, so he bought a plane ticket and took a trip to Rome.

On his first day he was inside a church taking photographs when he noticed a golden telephone mounted on the wall with a Sign that read '$10,000 per call'.

Intrigued by this, the American asked a nearby priest what the telephone was for.

The priest replied that it was a direct line to heaven and that for $10,000 you could directly talk to God.

The American thanked the priest and went on his way.

Next stop was in Moscow.

There, at a very large cathedral, he saw the same golden telephone with the same sign under it.

He wondered if this was the same kind of telephone he saw in Rome, and he asked a nearby nun what its purpose was.

She told him that it was a direct line to heaven and that for $10,000 he could talk to God.

'O.K., thank you,' said the American.

He then travelled to France, Israel, Germany and Brazil.

In every Church he saw the same golden telephone with a '$10,000 per call' Sign under it.

The American finally decided to travel to the UK to see if the British had the same phone.

He arrived in Yorkshire and again, in York Minster, there was the same golden telephone, but this time the sign under it read '20p per call.'

Surprised at this, the American asked a passing Bishop.

'Excuse me, Father, but I've travelled all over world and I've seen this same Golden telephone in many churches. I'm told that it is a direct line to Heaven, but everywhere the price is $10,000 per call.
'Why is it so cheap here?'

The Bishop smiled wryly and answered,

'You're in Yorkshire now lad, - it's only a local call'

Very funny, Gray, although we are entitled
to question its veracity;
such a 'true tale' over-stretches
credulity's elasticity.

John, since zeitgeist (the spirit of the age)
is non-specific,
you may substitute any vintage
as long as it's alcoholic.

Lena & Harry, It's great to see you back on top form
and maintaining your sunny outlook,
surely the best recipe for dealing with problems
e.g. the sellotape and your address book.

Keith