POEMS - With Tongue In Cheek

[Lena & Harry Smith]

Yes, we've been sitting on our balcony sipping Pina Coladas Robert, but who knows, with the baffling weather changes, the forecasters are bound to get it right one day.

[karl]

Yes, we've been sitting on our balcony sipping Pina Coladas Robert, but who knows, with the baffling weather changes, the forecasters are bound to get it right one day.

Oohh there's posh!!!

[Lena & Harry Smith]

Aren't we eh :
Mind you today was different. Srong gales and rain. Nearly got taken off my feet like Mary Poppins.

[keithgood838]

HOMESPUN HOMILY
(welcome 2016)

As the totality of your years of life
measurably mounts,
remember it's the life in those years
that crucially counts.

Keith Good

from MORITURI SALUTAMUS

Age is opportunity no less,
Than youth itself, though in another dress,
And as the evening twilight fades away
The sky is filled with stars invisible by day.

Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

[Eman]

Well said Keith and Happy New Year

[Marian]

Aren't we eh :
Mind you today was different. Srong gales and rain. Nearly got taken off my feet like Mary Poppins.

You made me smile Lena. I could just imagine you as Mary Poppins!

[Eman]

Awww Mary Poppins, Lena yeah I could imagine that.

[Marian]

The Washington Post's Mensa Invitational once again invited readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.


Here are the winners:
1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.

2. Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an asshole.

3. Intaxicaton: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.

4. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

5. Bozone ( n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

6. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.

7. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high

8. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.

9. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

10. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)

11. Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.

12. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.

13. Glibido: All talk and no action.

14. Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

15. Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.

16. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

17. Caterpallor ( n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.


The Washington Post has also published the winning submissions to its yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words.

And the winners are:

1. Coffee, n. The person upon whom one coughs.

2. Flabbergasted, adj. Appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.

3. Abdicate, v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

4. esplanade, v. To attempt an explanation while drunk.

5. Willy-nilly, adj. Impotent.

6. Negligent, adj. Absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.

7. Lymph, v. To walk with a lisp.

8. Gargoyle, n. Olive-flavored mouthwash.

9. Flatulence, n. Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.

10. Balderdash, n. A rapidly receding hairline.

11. Testicle, n. A humorous question on an exam.

12. Rectitude, n. The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.

13. Pokemon, n. A Rastafarian proctologist.

14. Oyster, n. A person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.

15. Frisbeetarianism, n. The belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.

[Lena & Harry Smith]

Ha Ha , Thanks Marian. I was in need of a laugh after just banging my toe on the ....ing ironing board.

[keithgood838]

I think it's time for another Matt Monro-inspired verse:

THE SCINTILLATING SINGER

The multi-faceted mellifluousness
of golden-voiced Matt Monro;
pearls of sound strung symmetrically
in pleasing vibrato;
rosecut adornments presented in flawless baritone
on show in self-contained velvetness
uniquely his own.

Lest these lines be deemed hyperbolic oration,
this is the Koh-i-Noor rock that won (at The Barbican)
a seven-minute standing ovation.

Keith Good

[ROBERT M.]

I couldn't have said it any better Keith ..............

[keithgood838]

Thanks Robert, I'm glad it is up to your standard.
You have enabled me to tweak it slightly.

[Eman]

LOL Marian!!!

Awesome poem Keith!

[keithgood838]

TO ROBERT & EMAN

It is the definition of contentment:
one's verse gaining friends' considered endorsement.

[keithgood838]

UNSEEN FRIENDS

As one who, walking in the twilight gloom,
Hears round about him voices as it darkens,
And seeing not the forms from which they come,
Pauses from time to time, and turns and hearkens;

So walking here, in twilight, O my friends!
I hear your voices, softened by the distance,
And pause, and turn to listen, as each sends
His words of friendship, comfort and assistance.

If any thought of mine, or sung or told,
Has ever given delight or consolation,
Ye have repaid me back a thousandfold
By every friendly sign and salutation ...

I wish I could lay claim to the foregoing lines,
which seem to apply also to Karl's appeal for
the return of missing forum friends. However,
they are the opening lines of a poem by our old friend,
Henry Wadsworth Longfellow.