Today's Joke

[Gray]

Liked the gags, guys.

Here's another:

Three elderly men are at the doctor for a memory test. The doctor says to the first man, "What is three times three?" "274" was his reply.

The doctor says to the second man, "It's your turn. What is three times three?" "Tuesday", replies the second man.

The doctor says to the third man, "Okay, your turn. What's three times three"? "Nine", says the third man. "That's great!" says the doctor. "How did you get that"?

"Simple," says the third man. "I subtracted 274 from Tuesday."

[keithgood838]

Good one Gray. Here's another:

MILE HIGH WISH FULFILMENT

A plane passes through a severe storm.
The turbulence is terrifying and things go
from bad to worse when the starboard wing
is struck by lightning.
A woman on board loses it completely.
She stands at the top of the aisle yelling:
'I'm too young to die.' Then she exclaims:
'If I'm to die, I want my last minutes on Earth
to be memorable. Is there anyone on this plane
who can make me feel like a woman?'
Her request is greeted with initial silence,
then a man from Australia stands erect at the rear
of the plane. He is handsome, tall and well-built
with brown hair and hazel eyes.
Slowly, he walks up the aisle, unbuttoning his shirt
as he proceeds, one button at a time.
No one moves; he removes his shirt to reveal
muscles rippling across his barrel chest. She gasps ...
He speaks:
'Iron this will you, then fetch me a beer.'

[ROBERT M.]

not quite the ending most people were expecting Keith

[karl]

Maybe not Robert but it was clean and Keith has standards to maintain!!!

[keithgood838]

I am partial to an unpredictable punchline, Guys.
A 'tail' of the unexpected.

ALTZHEIMER'S ALERT

The following was developed as a mental age
assessment by the School of Psychiatry at Harvard University.

Take your time and see if you can read each line
aloud without making a mistake.

The average person over 50 years of age cannot do it.

1 This is this cat
2 This is is cat
3 This is how cat
4 This is to cat
5 This is keep cat
6 This is an cat
7 This is old cat
8 This is fart cat
9 This is busy cat
10 This is for cat
11 This is forty cat
12 This is seconds cat

Now go back and read the third word
in each line ...

[Marian]

I think this one read it more quickly Keith!

[ROBERT M.]

Yes Marian, 15 -20 seconds for me

[Lena & Harry Smith]

Me to, perhaps being warned to read each line carefully to start with, but amusing all the same Keith.

[keithgood838]

LAUGHING ALONG

It's refreshing to see
ladies and elderly (includes me)
can take an innocuous joke;
life is no fun if we,
like poopers at a party,
can't enjoy an affectionate poke.



ANIMAL ANTICS

Maya the moggy is under attack
owing to the unlikely event that
a Bolivian bad boy cannot be sent back
because he is sheltering behind that cat.

The media newshound pack is in full cry,
Scenting a hapless minister of state;
Foxhunting is a cruel practice that I
Believed was no longer legitimate.

[Marian]

Yes the jokes keep us smiling Keith!
You should have a poetry spot in a daily newspaper Keith with your clever little current news verses. Great!

[keithgood838]

Thanks Marian.
I'll stick with satirical verse
for fear of posting something worse;
I am irresistibly smitten
by stuff crying out to be written:

SPOOKS

Allegation, and counter-allegation,
lurid talk of top-level assassination;
to preclude evil-minded forces
springing a trap,
the hot potato should be dropped
into Harry's lap.

[keithgood838]

Here's another fun poke at us old folk:

'Just a song at twilight'

An ageing playboy visits his doctor
after enjoying an actual lifetime
of the proverbial wine, women and song.
'Well,' says the doctor brightly.
'The good news is that you won't have
to give up singing.'

[Gray]

Like that, Keith

[Lena & Harry Smith]

Or with any luck and a lisp ... JUST A THONG AT TWILIGHT.

[karl]

Or The Carpenters Thing A Thong