Today's Joke

Have you read something that you would like to share with others - now is your chance
User avatar
keithgood838
Posts: 2478
Joined: Sun Feb 10, 2008 6:30 pm

Re: Today's Joke

Post by keithgood838 » Sat Nov 26, 2011 11:02 am

Glad it registered on your titter guage, Karl.

THE SEQUEL
(to the time-honoured transaction)

She should have asked for the promise
to be put in writing,
then her chances, we surmise,
would be better than fighting,
and the headlines would have screamed: AMAZING,
BLONDE BESTS SALES-SLICK MEN OF DOUBLE GLAZING!

MISCHIEVOUS MYSTERIES

Why does Tarzan have a beard when he lives
in the jungle without a razor?

Why do we press harder on the remote control
when we know the battery is flat?

Why do banks charge for insufficient funds
when they know there aren't enough?

Whose perverse idea was it to put an 's'
in the word lisp?

Why do people say they slept like a baby
when babies wake up every two hours?

Do married people really live longer than single ones
or does it just seem longer?

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings
and put money in the binoculars to view things
on the ground?

Why does canine Goofy stand erect while canine
Pluto remains on all fours?

If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

:wink:

User avatar
karl
Posts: 16701
Joined: Wed Jul 13, 2011 6:05 pm

Re: Today's Joke

Post by karl » Sat Nov 26, 2011 4:43 pm

As the songs says - There Are More Questions Than Answers

User avatar
keithgood838
Posts: 2478
Joined: Sun Feb 10, 2008 6:30 pm

Re: Today's Joke

Post by keithgood838 » Mon Nov 28, 2011 11:56 am

Here's another:

QUEER QUESTION

A woodpecker enters a bar and enquires:
'Is the bartender here?'

:wink:

User avatar
karl
Posts: 16701
Joined: Wed Jul 13, 2011 6:05 pm

Re: Today's Joke

Post by karl » Mon Nov 28, 2011 3:07 pm

OOh this is way too subtle for me!

User avatar
keithgood838
Posts: 2478
Joined: Sun Feb 10, 2008 6:30 pm

Re: Today's Joke

Post by keithgood838 » Tue Nov 29, 2011 1:24 pm

TIMELY TREATMENT

A man visits his doctor and tells him:
'I think I've broken my wrist.'
'Do you wear a wristwatch,' asks the doctor.
'No doctor.'
'Well, I recommend you start wearing one.'
Puzzled, the patient asks why.
'Because,' the medic assures him,
'time's a great healer.'

:wink:

User avatar
karl
Posts: 16701
Joined: Wed Jul 13, 2011 6:05 pm

Re: Today's Joke

Post by karl » Tue Nov 29, 2011 3:58 pm

Ooohhhh G R O A N !!!!!!!!! :lol:

User avatar
keithgood838
Posts: 2478
Joined: Sun Feb 10, 2008 6:30 pm

Re: Today's Joke

Post by keithgood838 » Thu Dec 01, 2011 12:13 pm

TASTE TEASE

The posting is either far too subtle
or insufficiently funny;
one may say by way of rebuttal:
must each posting ooze milk and honey? :roll: :lol:

PATERNAL PILFERING

I couldn't bring myself to believe
the accusation that my dad had
been stealing from his job as a road worker -
but when I got home the signs were all there ...

:wink:

User avatar
Marian
Posts: 20956
Joined: Fri Oct 07, 2005 3:02 pm
Location: Reading. Berkshire.

Re: Today's Joke

Post by Marian » Thu Dec 01, 2011 1:03 pm

Clever one Keith. We appreciate all your efforts to keep us both informed and entertained.
Keep up the good work! :D

User avatar
karl
Posts: 16701
Joined: Wed Jul 13, 2011 6:05 pm

Re: Today's Joke

Post by karl » Thu Dec 01, 2011 1:07 pm

Good one Keith! :lol:

User avatar
keithgood838
Posts: 2478
Joined: Sun Feb 10, 2008 6:30 pm

Re: Today's Joke

Post by keithgood838 » Fri Dec 02, 2011 12:25 pm

Aw shucks, folks. :oops:

SELF SATIRISED

'To be insulted by you,'
declared Aristophanes,
'is to be garlanded with lilies.'
The recommended riposte to
brash Clarkson's crassest unfunnies -
the clown prince of silly Billys.

:wink:

User avatar
karl
Posts: 16701
Joined: Wed Jul 13, 2011 6:05 pm

Re: Today's Joke

Post by karl » Fri Dec 02, 2011 12:46 pm

I am not defending Jeremy Clarkson as he is often in the press for some stupid comment - however seeing the way it was said on The News it was tongue in cheek and no malice was meant - however he is a public figure and should guard his tongue on live tv!

User avatar
keithgood838
Posts: 2478
Joined: Sun Feb 10, 2008 6:30 pm

Re: Today's Joke

Post by keithgood838 » Sat Dec 03, 2011 8:14 pm

TOUGH ACT TO FOLLOW

Following the tragic death of the human cannonball
at the Kent show, a spokesman said:
'We'll struggle to find another man
of the same calibre.'

:wink:

User avatar
Lena & Harry Smith
Posts: 21514
Joined: Tue Jul 12, 2005 10:05 am
Location: London UK

Re: Today's Joke

Post by Lena & Harry Smith » Sun Dec 04, 2011 1:36 am

:D :D :D :D It's the way you write em Keith .

User avatar
Marian
Posts: 20956
Joined: Fri Oct 07, 2005 3:02 pm
Location: Reading. Berkshire.

Re: Today's Joke

Post by Marian » Sun Dec 04, 2011 9:42 am

Boom Boom!! :lol:

User avatar
Sandra
Posts: 12232
Joined: Mon Feb 16, 2009 4:57 pm
Location: lincoln .lincolnshire

Re: Today's Joke

Post by Sandra » Sun Dec 04, 2011 2:14 pm

:D :D :D

Post Reply

Return to “Thought of the Day”