L&H chili is nice if it's mild, I find spicy foods that catch the back of your throat most unpleasant.
I made a curry at the weekend from a Schwartz packet, it was very nice and just borderline hot for my taste.
Today's Joke
Re: Today's Joke
YOU'VE GOT TO LOVE THE IRISH
1. Joe says to Paddy, "Close your curtains the next time you're having sex with your wife.
The whole street was watching and laughing at you yesterday."
Paddy says, "Well the joke's on them, cos Oi wasn't even at home yesterday."
2. Paddy says to Mick, Oi'm ready for a holiday, only this year Oi'm going to do it a bit different.
Tree years ago Oi went to Spain and Mary got pregnant.
Two years ago Oi went to Italy and Mary got pregnant. Last year Oi went to Majorca and Mary got pregnant.
Mick asks, So what are you going to do ths year?
Paddy replies, Oi'll take her with me!
3. Paddy & Mick find three hand grenades, so they take them to a police station.
Mick: "What if one explodes, before we get there?"
Paddy: "We'll lie and say we only found two."
4. Paddy's in the bathroom and Murphy shouts to him,
"Did you find the shampoo?"
Paddy says, "Yes but it's for dry hair and Oive just wet mine."
5. Mick walks into Paddy's barn and catches him dancing naked in front of a tractor.
Mick says, "Jaysus Paddy, what're ye doing?"
Paddy says, "Well me and Mary haven't been gettin on in the bedroom lately and the therapist recommended Oi do something sexy to attracter......
1. Joe says to Paddy, "Close your curtains the next time you're having sex with your wife.
The whole street was watching and laughing at you yesterday."
Paddy says, "Well the joke's on them, cos Oi wasn't even at home yesterday."
2. Paddy says to Mick, Oi'm ready for a holiday, only this year Oi'm going to do it a bit different.
Tree years ago Oi went to Spain and Mary got pregnant.
Two years ago Oi went to Italy and Mary got pregnant. Last year Oi went to Majorca and Mary got pregnant.
Mick asks, So what are you going to do ths year?
Paddy replies, Oi'll take her with me!
3. Paddy & Mick find three hand grenades, so they take them to a police station.
Mick: "What if one explodes, before we get there?"
Paddy: "We'll lie and say we only found two."
4. Paddy's in the bathroom and Murphy shouts to him,
"Did you find the shampoo?"
Paddy says, "Yes but it's for dry hair and Oive just wet mine."
5. Mick walks into Paddy's barn and catches him dancing naked in front of a tractor.
Mick says, "Jaysus Paddy, what're ye doing?"
Paddy says, "Well me and Mary haven't been gettin on in the bedroom lately and the therapist recommended Oi do something sexy to attracter......
Last edited by karl on Wed May 02, 2012 6:12 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Re: Today's Joke
LOL, Karl, where do you get these jokes!! LOL I'd laugh out loud but my throat hurts to do so!! Thanks for making me smile! 
Re: Today's Joke
That one came from Melbourne! 
Re: Today's Joke
One of these days Karl you're gonna kill me with laughter if Keith doesn't beat ya to it!!
Re: Today's Joke
We're doing our best Eamon!!!! 
Re: Today's Joke
LOL Karl, if you would start with my throat, I'd be much obliged!
Re: Today's Joke
WHY ALAN IS STILL WORKING ON OLD CARS
Alan's One Day Of Employment
After landing my new job as B & Q greeter - a good find for many retirees, I lasted less than a day....
About two hours into my first day on the job a very loud, unattractive, mean-acting woman walked into the store with her two kids, yelling obsceneties at them all the way through the entrance.
As I had been instructed, I said pleasantly, "Good morning my name is Alan, welcome to B & Q."
I then said, "Nice children you have there. Are they twins?"
The ugly woman stopped yelling long enough to say, "no, they are not f*&cking twins. The oldest one's 9, and the other one's 7.
Why the hell would you think they're twins? Are you blind, or just stupid?"
I replied, "I'm neither blind nor stupid, Madam. I just couldn't believe someone s*****d you twice...Have a good day and thank you for shopping at B & Q."
My supervisor said I probably wasn't cut out for this lne of work.
Alan's One Day Of Employment
After landing my new job as B & Q greeter - a good find for many retirees, I lasted less than a day....
About two hours into my first day on the job a very loud, unattractive, mean-acting woman walked into the store with her two kids, yelling obsceneties at them all the way through the entrance.
As I had been instructed, I said pleasantly, "Good morning my name is Alan, welcome to B & Q."
I then said, "Nice children you have there. Are they twins?"
The ugly woman stopped yelling long enough to say, "no, they are not f*&cking twins. The oldest one's 9, and the other one's 7.
Why the hell would you think they're twins? Are you blind, or just stupid?"
I replied, "I'm neither blind nor stupid, Madam. I just couldn't believe someone s*****d you twice...Have a good day and thank you for shopping at B & Q."
My supervisor said I probably wasn't cut out for this lne of work.
Last edited by karl on Thu May 03, 2012 9:27 am, edited 1 time in total.
-
Lena & Harry Smith
- Posts: 21514
- Joined: Tue Jul 12, 2005 10:05 am
- Location: London UK
Re: Today's Joke
Karl, loved the Irish gags, thanks for posting 
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keithgood838
- Posts: 2478
- Joined: Sun Feb 10, 2008 6:30 pm
Re: Today's Joke
I think I shall soon need to remind the forum
of Ireland's literary prowess; in the meantime:
STALLED SUICIDE
A jailer finds Paddy hanging by his feet in his cell:
'What in the name of sanity are you doing?'
he enquires uncomprehendingly.
'Hanging myself!'
'But the bloody noose should be around your neck!'
exclaims the exasperated jailer.
'I know that,' replies the frustrated Paddy,
'but sure I couldn't breathe.'
of Ireland's literary prowess; in the meantime:
STALLED SUICIDE
A jailer finds Paddy hanging by his feet in his cell:
'What in the name of sanity are you doing?'
he enquires uncomprehendingly.
'Hanging myself!'
'But the bloody noose should be around your neck!'
exclaims the exasperated jailer.
'I know that,' replies the frustrated Paddy,
'but sure I couldn't breathe.'
Re: Today's Joke
Keith, nice one!!Re: Today's Joke
THE YOUNG AND OLD PRIEST
The elderly priest. speakign to the younger priest, said, "It was a good idea to replace the first four pews with plush bucket theatre seats. It worked. The front of the church fills first."
The young priest nodded and the old one continued, "And you told me a little more beat to the music would bring young people back to church, so I supported you when you brought in that rock 'n roll gospel choir.
We are packed to the balcony."
"Thank you, Father," answered the young priest, "I am pleased you are open to the new ideas of youth."
"Well," said the elderly priest, "I'm afraid you've gone too far with the drive-thru Confessional."
"But Father", protested the young priest. "My confessions have nearly doubled since I began that".
"I know son", replied the old man. "But that flashing neon sign...............
"Toot 'n Tell or Go To Hell", can't stay on the church roof!"
.
The elderly priest. speakign to the younger priest, said, "It was a good idea to replace the first four pews with plush bucket theatre seats. It worked. The front of the church fills first."
The young priest nodded and the old one continued, "And you told me a little more beat to the music would bring young people back to church, so I supported you when you brought in that rock 'n roll gospel choir.
We are packed to the balcony."
"Thank you, Father," answered the young priest, "I am pleased you are open to the new ideas of youth."
"Well," said the elderly priest, "I'm afraid you've gone too far with the drive-thru Confessional."
"But Father", protested the young priest. "My confessions have nearly doubled since I began that".
"I know son", replied the old man. "But that flashing neon sign...............
"Toot 'n Tell or Go To Hell", can't stay on the church roof!"
.
Last edited by karl on Fri May 04, 2012 6:08 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Re: Today's Joke
LOL!! Karl, you know there is some truth to your joke..
Re: Today's Joke
You mean your church has a neon sign?