Today's Joke

[Eman]

[keithgood838]

COMESTIBLE CONVERTORS

I answered a knock recently and was greeted on the doorstep
by two fresh-faced, well-dressed young men who enquired as to
which bread I ate. When I confessed to consuming white bread
they embarked on a thirty-minute lecture (notwithstanding contradictory
Cockney rhyming slang) on the life-affirming virtues of eating brown bread.
One step ahead of me, you will have surmised that they were ...
The Hovis Witnesses.

[Eman]

[keithgood838]

TWO LITTLE TITTERS

Paddy was trying to get across a busy road without success.
A passer-by suggested helpfully: 'There's a zebra crossing
down the road.' Paddy replied despairingly: 'I hope he is having
more luck than I am.'

Mick and Paddy opened a basement bar but failed to sell much beer.
'We should have opened a brothel,' bewailed Mick.
'If we couldn't sell beer there isn't much chance of us selling broth,'
moaned Paddy.

[Eman]

Keith you make me smile, which is rare!! LOL

[keithgood838]

Smiling cannot be a rarity for someone with your keen sense
of humour, Eman.

BALMY, BLINKERED BOFFINS

Public Health England has just published its heatwave strategy
for 2013, which states: 'While we are enjoying the balmy days
of summer, we should not forget that the temperature can get
too high, that it can become uncomfortably hot, and, for some,
it can become dangerously hot.' Following in the wake of the Met
Office's report that we have endured the coldest spring since
1979, and in addition to indulging in heavy punctuation, perhaps
Public Health England should have included a warning about the
hazards of fallout from flying pigs.

[Eman]

Heh heh..Keith you should see my FB photos, people ask me to smile more because I'm such a grump!!

[keithgood838]

PUB CRAWLING

A guy making his way through life alone decided it would be
more fun if he had a pet for company. So he visited a store
and asked to see some unusual pets.
Following some discussion he finally settled on a talking centipede,
which came in a little box to house him in.
He took it home, found a suitable spot for the box, then decided
that a stroll to the pub would be the ideal social start to their
relationship. He therefore enquired of the centipede: 'Would you
like to go down the pub with me?'
Answer came there none. A little concerned, he waited a few
minutes then asked again. Still no reply. He decided on one more
try, but this time he put his face close to the centipede's box
and shouted: 'Hey, in there! Would you like to go down the pub?'
This time an irate little voice emanated from the box:
'I heard you the first time! I'm putting my shoes on!'

[Eman]

Lol yeah with that many feet lol

[ROBERT M.]

[keithgood838]

INSECT ASIDES

What's a myth? A female moth.

What's worse than a giraffe with a sore neck?
A millipede with athlete's foot.

What's worse than finding a maggot in your apple?
Finding half a maggot.

A couple of fleas were contemplating a visit
to the glass-generated cosy warmth of the conservatory.
One turns to the other and enquires:
'Shall we hop it or take the cat?'

[Eman]

Lol Keith!!

[keithgood838]

RELIGIOUS RETRIBUTION

A burglar is conducting a raid on a house when he is
spooked by a censorious voice: 'Jesus is watching you.'
To his immense relief it turns out to be a mere parrot.
'So what is your name?' the burglar enquires of the bird.
'My name is Moses,' replies the parrot.
'What sort of person calls their parrot Moses?'
asks the incredulous burglar.
'The same sort of person,' squawks the parrot,
'who names their rottweiler Jesus.'

[keithgood838]

BELOW-BELT PRONOUNCEMENT
(during yesterday's Roland Garros TV coverage)

'Those loo shots may cost Bartoli dearly,'
announced the female commentator.
A bog-standard criticism or an unwitting
example of ambiguous diction?

[Eman]

Hi Keith, you never fail to make me laugh just when I need to. With all the craziness that's going on, I have to look at your jokes and poems as my little escapism through out my day!!