POEMS - With Tongue In Cheek

[ROBERT M.]

Right on the button Keith .........................

[keithgood838]

Glad you agree, Robert. An etymological epidemic is sweeping through
the minds of our television newsreaders and weather forecasters whereby
they are addicted to prefacing each item with the word 'now'.
The irritating compulsion is blatantly tautologous; however its most egregiously
ungrammatical iniquity occurs in the crackpot use of tenses, viz: 'now yesterday.'
'Now tomorrow.'
By contrast, in the following excerpts from a poem by P.G. Wodehouse, he bewails
the fact that 'now' is grievously omitted from his text and the lapsus linguae spurs
him into taking drastic remedial action:

PRINTER'S ERROR

As o'er my latest book I pored,
Enjoying it immensely,
I suddenly exclaimed 'Good Lord!'
And gripped the volume tensely.
'Golly!' I cried. I writhed in pain.
'They've done it on me once again!'
And furrows creased my brow.
I'd written (which I thought quite good)
'Ruth, ripening into womanhood,
Was now a girl who knocked men flat
And frequently got whistled at',
And some vile, careless, casual gook
Had spoiled the best thing in my book
By printing "not"
(Yes, "not" great Scott!)
When I had written "now" ...

I tracked the bounder to his den
Through private information:
I said, 'Good afternoon', and then
Explained the situation:
'I'm not a fussy man,' I said.
'I smile when you put "rid" for "red"
And "bad" for "bed" and "Hoad" for "head"
And "bolge" instead of "bough".
When "wone" appears in lieu of "wine"
Or if you alter "Cohn" to "Schine"
I never make a row.
I know how easy errors are.
But this time you have gone too far
By printing "not" when you know what
I really wrote was "now".
'Prepare,' I said, 'to meet your God
Or, as you'd say, your Goo or Bod,
Or possibly your Gow.'

A few weeks later into court
I came to stand my trial.
The judge was quite a decent sort.
He said, 'Well, cocky, I'll
Be passing sentence in a jiff,
And so, my poor unhappy stiff,
If you have anything to say,
Now is your moment. Fire away.
You have?'
I said, 'And how!
Me lud, the facts I don't dispute.
I did, I own it freely shoot
This printer through his collar stud.
What else could I have done, me lud?
He'd printed "not"
The judge said, 'What!
When you had printed "now"?
God bless my soul! Gadzooks!' said he.
'The blighters did that once to me.
A dirty trick I trow.
I hereby quash and override
The jury' verdict. Gosh!' he cried.
'Give me your hand. Yes I insist,
You splendid fellow! Case dismissed.'
(Cheers, and a voice 'Wow-wow!')

[Lena & Harry Smith]

Great stuff Keith, justice prevailed.

[keithgood838]

OPERATION OVERUSE

TV 'nows' are disappearing - fact;
the broadcasters are cleaning up their act;
last night no 'nows' tripped off Huw Edwards' tongue -
a less discordant song is 'now' being sung.
As pedant-gods gloat in their ivory tower
and applaud this forum's persuasive power.

[keithgood838]

I seem to recall posting the following verse
at this time last year; I make no apology for
posting it again now:

THE LANDINGS
(6 June 1944)

Death whistles round their ears
as yet more young lives he seeks;
bowed by expectancies not framed in years,
their measure is nineteen days to three weeks.
One in six boys storming Normandy's beaches
his Abaddon destination reaches.

Valour defying death without recoil
thus sweeping a scourge from Continental soil.

Keith Good

[Lena & Harry Smith]

Certainly no apologies required for your repeated verse Keith. Operation Overlord, Operation Neptune, the 6th June... an unforgettable day in the history of WW2, of heroic men who survived and men who gave their lives.

[Marian]

A Day to Remember.
The Longest Day.

[keithgood838]

The coverage of the Heroes Return to the Normandy beaches today
provoked the inevitable nostalgic sadness. The following lighthearted
lines (extracts only in observance of copyright regulations) by a notable
WW2 poet may help to lift the mood:

NAMING OF PARTS

Today we have naming of parts. Yesterday,
We had daily cleaning. And tomorrow morning
We shall have what to do after firing. But today,
Today we have naming of parts. Japonica
Glistens like coral in all of the neighbouring gardens,
And today we have naming of parts.

This is the safety-catch, which is always released
With an easy flick of of the thumb. And please do not let me
See anyone using his finger. You can do it quite easy
If you have any strength in your thumb. The blossoms
Are fragile and motionless, never letting anyone see
Any of them using their finger.

And this you can see is the bolt. The purpose of this
Is to open the breech, as you see. We can slide it
Rapidly backwards and forwards: we call this
Easing the spring. And rapidly backwards and forwards
The early bees are assaulting and fumbling the flowers:
They call this easing the Spring.

They call it easing the Spring: it is perfectly easy
If you have any strength in your thumb: like the bolt,
And the breech, and the cocking-piece, and the point of balance,
Which in our case we have not got; and the almond-blossom
Silent in all of the gardens and the bees going backwards and forwards,
For today we have the naming of parts.

Henry Reed
(1914-1986)

PS We have missed out on the lower sling swivel,
the upper swing swivel and the piling swivel,
which is appropriate because they are parts which,
as the poet points out, 'we have not got'.
(By way of compensation, he tells us that 'the branches
hold the gardens in their silent, eloquent gestures'.)

[Eman]

Nice poems Keith!! Loved your original verse!!

[keithgood838]

Thanks Eman. I am awaiting permission to post extracts
from WW1 literature with which I was associated.
In the meantime a lighthearted quatrain courtesy of
Anonymous, the title of which I have taken the liberty
to change (It was Thirty Poiple Boids).

NEW YORK CITY TALK

Toity poiple boids
Sitt'n on der coib
A-choipin' and a-boipin
An' eat'n doity worms.

PS This has given my computer spell-check apoplexy.

[keithgood838]

Laurie Lee made his reputation as a writer of prose; however he was also
a fine poet, to wit:

APPLES

Behold the apples' rounded worlds:
juice-green of July rain,
the black polestar of flowers, the rind
mapped with its crimson stain.

The russet, crab and cottage red
burn to the sun's hot brass,
then drop like sweat from every branch
and bubble in the grass ...

In each plump gourd the cidery bite
of boys' teeth tears the skin;
the waltzing wasp consumes his share,
the bent worm enters in.

I, with as easy hunger, take
entire my season's dole;
welcome the ripe, the sweet, the sour,
the hollow and the whole.

Laurie Lee
(26 June 1914-13 May 1997)

PS Disconcertingly, some of my recent posts
have disappeared from the Thought Of The Day
thread; even my post to Ask Richard vanished
with the entire topic. Help!

[maxine]

Keith ...my all time fave book is ...Cider With Rosie ...Laurie's book ;0) ...my English teacher read it to us ....with all the voices etc ....i absolutely love it and it has me in Stitches ..." Doth doth his eyes are stuck together"! ... Thank you for sharing the poem .....I want to read the book ....yet again ....

[keithgood838]

Here is a Christmas offering of a new Matt-inspired
verse for all of my forum friends:

WE ARE
(adapted from the love song, I AM,
by Rogers Cook and Greenaway)

We are the leaves, you are the wind,
changeful you blow and we are moved;
you are the sun that warms our mind
and your solar beams will be ever loved.

We are the sand, you are the tide,
shifting our feelings far and wide;
we are the world round which you flow
and in cadences you come and go.

We are the Earth, you are the star
lustrous in heaven's house-lights turned low;
eyes trained upward
as still we are
in night-sky awe of you, Matt Monro.

Keith Good

[Eman]

Nicely written and love the descriptive imagery Keith!

[ROBERT M.]

Beautiful Keith