Today's Joke

[Marian]

Good ones Keith

[ROBERT M.]

Made me laugh Keith by the way.................welcome back Keith

[Syd Young]

I saw this very funny video and thought I would share it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nGeKSiCQ ... detailpage

[Marian]

Nice one Syd

[Lena & Harry Smith]

Animal cruelty, Thank Syd.

[keithgood838]

Thanks Robert, I'm glad to be back.

IMMEDIATE IMPACT

The graveside service had just finished
when there was a clamorous clap of thunder
followed by a bolt of lightning and more
thunder rumbling somewhere in the far distance.
A stooped little old man gazed up at the vicar and asserted:
'Well, she's got there.'

[Lena & Harry Smith]

Going out with a bang then Keith.

[keithgood838]

Yes L&H, and neither did she arrive with a whimper.

ROLE REVERSAL

An artist had been working painstakingly on a nude portrait
over a protracted period. His deliberations imbued him
with an insightful appreciation and understanding of the female body,
to the extent that he was able to make his paintings shine.
Later, having grown weary from his assiduous dedication,
he decided to take it easy for the day.
He suggested to his model that they have a glass of wine,
and a chat, and get to know each other better.
Then, as they were sipping their claret, the artist heard
a car arriving.
'Oh no,' he exclaimed, 'it's my wife!
Quick, get your clothes off!'

[Marian]

Clever one Keith, unexpected ending!

[keithgood838]

Thanks Marian, I maintain the motif with one that is
typical of the many funnies dear Ed sent to me.
I can see him 'up there' nodding in approval:

ART APPRECIATION

Two American ladies were attending an art exhibition
in London, and admiring a well-endowed male statue.
While discussing the artistic merits thereof, one of the women
shook her head and contended:
'I don't think so dear, Big Ben is a clock.'

[Lena & Harry Smith]

No real need for Specsavers then Keith.

[ROBERT M.]

They sent my Census form back!! In answer to the question,

'Do you have any dependants?', I put:

'Asylum seekers, gypos, smack heads, unemployable none, the cast of The Jeremy Kyle Show, Northern Rock, RBS, Ireland, Portugal and half of f*****g Eastern Europe!'


...apparently this wasn't an acceptable answer.

[keithgood838]

It wasn't an optical illusion, L&H;
it just looked like one.

VARIFOCAL VARIATION

'Grandma, why do you have three pairs of spectacles?'
'One pair is for reading, the second pair is for watching television,
and the third is to help me keep track of the other two.'

[mariana44]

Oh ! that sounds very familiar to me !!!

[Sandra]

Very funny and oh so true