Today's Joke

[Lena & Harry Smith]

More serious with me. I now and again find myself looking for my specs and realise I've got them on

[mariana44]

Sometimes I am not sure if I have my reading or normal glasses on---till I take them off and see what colour lenses they are--my normal ones are tinted !!!

[keithgood838]

SPOTS-SEEING

A client visits his optician:
'I keep seeing spots before my eyes.'
Receptionist: 'Have you seen a doctor?'
Client: 'No, just spots.'

[mariana44]

Funnily enough I was at the eye hospital for a test just 2 weeks ago, and he said that I had lots of "floaters", in my eyes---But when I said that I could not see anything like that , he just said that I was so used to them, I just did not see them !!!

[Marian]

I have loads of floaters too Marian, and believe me I can see them!! (75,001!)

[mariana44]

Well, I am very short sighted !!!

[ROBERT M.]

You'll be able to see then Marian, if you put your specs on

[mariana44]

You would think so, wouldn't you !!

[keithgood838]

I like to think that dear Ed will have a chuckle at this:

THE FLOATER

Dawn, and half-awake in bed,
still I can clearly see
noiselessly buzzing round my head,
musca domestica, a fly
relentlessly dive-bombing me.

But here's the mortifying upshot:
believe me or not I try,
flailing unavailingly,
this weird amphibian to swat
as it swims in the tear-duct sea ...

Keith Good

[Marian]

Very good Keith! I have two black flies, white curtains, and many floating spots. Most of the time I'm not too aware of them, but when it is very light they all get together and put on a show!!

[mariana44]

Yes, Keith , I think Ed would have a quiet chuckle at your rhyme--as did I.

I am beginning to realise how lucky I am that I am not bothered by these "things" !!

[keithgood838]

FORESIGHT
(for Mariana)

I hope I'm wrong,
but before long
as your 'floating' debutants grow,
you may tend to see,
like Marian and me,
the free, flying ocular show

[keithgood838]

Perhaps I should apologise for using an incorrect
personal pronoun in the foregoing post: 'like Marian and me.'
However, I plead poetic licence, and anyway we all know
the trouble the words 'I do' can get one into ...

PRICE PAYING

A wife woke in the middle of the night to hear her husband
sobbing uncontrollably downstairs.
She donned a gown and went to investigate:
'Honey, whatever's the matter?' she enquired concernedly.
'Remember 20 years ago I got you pregnant
and your father threatened to have me thrown in jail?'
'Of course, I do,' she replied.
'Well, I'd have been released tonight.'

May I remind you ladies that the clue
to this thread is in the title.

[ROBERT M.]

Good one Keith

If anyone is easily offended please DO NOT read the following joke

Vegas Hooker...

A guy is walking the strip in Las Vegas and a fantastic-looking

Vegas hooker catches his eye.



He strikes up a conversation and eventually asks the hooker,

"How much do you charge?"



The Hooker replies, "It starts at $500 for a hand-job."



The guy says, "$500 dollars! For a hand-job! Holy crap!

No hand-job is worth that kind of money!"



The hooker says, "Do you see that Denny's on the corner?"



"Yes."



"Do you see the Denny's about a block further down?"



"Yes."



"And beyond that, do you see that third Denny's?"



"Yes."



"Well," says the hooker, smiling invitingly, "I own those.

And I own them because I give a hand-job that's worth $500."



So the guy says, "What the hell? You only live once. I'll give it a try."



They retire to a nearby motel. A short time later, the guy is sitting

on the bed realizing that he has just experienced

the hand-job of a lifetime, worth every bit of $500.



He is so amazed, he says, "I suppose a blow-job is $1,000?"



The hooker replies, "$1,500."



"I wouldn't pay that for a blow-job!"



The hooker replies, "Step over here to the window, big boy..

Do you see that casino just across the street?

I own that casino outright. And I own it because I give a

blow-job that's worth every cent of $1,500."



The guy, basking in the afterglow of that terrific hand-job,

decides to put off the new car for another year or so and says,

"Sign me up."


Ten minutes later, he is sitting on the bed more amazed than before.


He can scarcely believe it but he feels he truly got his money's worth.



He decides to dip into the retirement savings for one glorious and

unforgettable experience.



He asks the hooker, "How much for some pussy?"



The hooker says,

"Come over here to the window, I want to show you something.

Do you see how the whole city of Las Vegas is laid out before us:

All those beautiful lights, gambling palaces, and shows?



"Damn!" the guy says, in awe, "You own the whole city?"



No," the hooker replies, "but I would......if I had a pussy." ............................(I told you not to read it Marian ).

[Lena & Harry Smith]

We just have to get it explained Robert.