Today's Joke

[keithgood838]

SEQUENTIAL SURPRISES

two testosterone-fuelled young men were in earnest
conversation about their love lives. The first lad exclaimed
excitedly: 'It was my birthday last week and that new goddess
from Accounts invited me to go for a drink.'
His mate commented: 'That was a surprise.'
The first then asserted: 'When we'd had our ice-breaking
(in more ways than one) drink, she invited me back to her place.'
The other lad repeated: 'That was a surprise.'
The first lad went on: 'Yes, it was. When we got to her place
she disappeared into her bedroom and a few seconds later
the door opened and all the office staff came out singing
Happy Birthday.' You're ahead of me now, forum friend.
After the second lad had repeated his unsurprising mantra,
'that was a surprise', the first fellow nodded in agreement:
'You're telling me, I only had my socks on!'

[ROBERT M.]

Another good one Keith

[Lena & Harry Smith]

Thanks Keith, another smile to start the day.

[keithgood838]

Here's another on the same theme, Robert and L&H.

TEDDY BEAR TOKENISM

A guy picks up a gorgeous girl in a bar
and they head for a night of passion
at her place. The guy is surprised to see
how many teddy bears in particular,
and soft toys in general, abound in her bedroom;
every surface is piled high with them.
Having expended every ounce of sexual energy,
he rolls over and asks: 'So, how was it?'
She instructs: 'Take any prize from the bottom shelf.'

[Lena & Harry Smith]

Ha Ha. Easier than those coconut shy's.

[Gray]

A bit rude this...
I was in the restaurant yesterday when I suddenly realized I desperately
needed to pass gas. The music was really, really loud, so I timed my
gas with the beat of the music.

After a couple of songs, I started to feel better. I finished my coffee,
and noticed that everybody was staring at me....

Then I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod.

[Marian]

Is that a true story Gray? !!

[keithgood838]

THAR HE BLOWS!

I'm sure the embarrassment
would take the wind
out of one's sails, Gray;
not to mention taking the entertainment
out of one's music.

[Gray]

Very funny, Keith!!

Nope, Marian, it wasn't me, honest!

NB: Hope the following doesn't offend anyone...
Just to say how the story reminded me of a gag Billy Connelly used to tell (also applicable to my father!) of how he took a canary in a cage into the toilet when following his dad in.

[Gray]

I'm cleaning up my act, here's a clever one I was told...

Three engineers and three accountants are traveling by train to a conference.At the station, the three accountants each buy tickets and watch as the three engineers buy only a single ticket.”How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?” asks an accountant.”Watch and you’ll see,” answers an engineer. All of them board the train.The accountants take their respective seats but all three engineers cram into a restroom and close the door behind them.Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the restroom door and says, “Ticket, please.”The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on.The accountants saw this and agreed it was a clever idea.So after the conference, the accountants decide to copy the engineers on the return trip and save some money .When they get to the station they buy a single ticket for the return trip.To their astonishment, the engineers don’t buy a ticket at all.”How are you going to travel without a ticket?” says one perplexed accountant.”Watch and you’ll see,” answers an engineer.When they board the train the three accountants cram into a restroom and the three engineers cram into another one nearby. The train departs.Shortly afterward, one of the engineers leaves his restroom and walks over to the restroom where the accountants are hiding.He knocks on the door and says, “Ticket, please.”

[keithgood838]

ONEUPMANSHIP

Three dodgy accountants who decide to hide
because they haven't all paid for tickets to ride;
so thank you Gray for posting a story that cheers,
of accountants out-foxed by inventive 'engineers'.



DUMBING DOWN

A train steward calls the police after encountering
a young man having sex with a blonde in a carriage.
He is arrested for having a first-class ride
with a second-class ticket.

[ROBERT M.]

Well done Gray and Keith .............................very funny

[Gray]

Thank you, Robert.

And I like 'Oneupmanship', Keith

[keithgood838]

Hi Robert and Gray; I hope this bit of soccer
satire will tickle your football funny bones:

SILLY SEMANTICS

John enquires of Anton:
'Are we cool?'
Still friendly, I take it to mean.
Yet I'm thrown by the confusion
in this language nicety
because relations between
the players aren't just 'cool';
they have become positively icy.

[keithgood838]

THE GOOD-INTENTIONS ROAD

My mate's budgie broke his leg yesterday
and my kind-hearted mate made him a little
splint from a matchstick. The little bird's face
lit up when he began to walk.
Regrettably, my mate forgot to remove
the sandpaper from the bottom of the cage ...