Today's Joke

[keithgood838]

Consequently, 'there's no flies on you', Marian.

THE CURATE'S EGG

Played a charity round of golf
at history-steeped Brocket Hall
just yesterday.
Here's a report, not ball-by-ball,
on one's eventful 'up and down' play:
struggled to muster the mind-over-matter
endeavour it takes
to send the ball soaring over
expansive lakes,
and while the memory of the ugly 10
on the twelfth still painfully jars,
it is leavened by one's encouraging
course-threatening half-dozen pars.

[Eman]

LOL always look forward to everyone's jokes.

[keithgood838]

Hi Eman, Brocket Hall is a vast country estate here in Hertfordshire,
which has played host to royalty and prominent politicians. Its appeal
was tarnished when Lord Brocket was imprisoned for, topically, tax evasion.
Lord Palmerston, foreign secretary and prime minister, died there in 1865
reportedly while cavorting with a chambermaid. At least he will have died
with a smile on his face. (The old ones are often the best.)

[Eman]

LOL Keith!!!

[keithgood838]

I'm doing my best to keep you giggling, Eman.

RAISING REVENUE

A small boy was playing in the street in Los Angeles
when he accidentally swallowed a coin, which then
became stuck in his throat. The boy was in such physical
distress that his hysterical mother ran along the street
screaming for help. A passerby intervened and hit the
boy so hard on the back that he coughed up the coin.
'Thank you so much, doctor,' exclaimed the relieved mother.
'I'm not a doctor,' explained the passerby, 'I work for the
Internal Revenue Service.'

[Eman]

LOL sounds exactly like a taxman Keith!! LOL

[keithgood838]

SOUTH-EAST SEQUESTERED

Like captives released, from the pain
of imprisonment by persistent rain,
Helios has decreed that England be blessed
by surprise, surprise,
days of smiling-on-us welcome sun
and azure cloud-dispersing skies,
stretching over a three-week span,
including, miracles of miracles,
dual-gender, British success at Wimbledon.
Any day now those Earthbound killjoys
will impose a pointless hosepipe ban ...

[keithgood838]

Since reading Marian's recent hilarious 'fly in the room'
joke, it has flitted around in my brain and reminded me
of my comic verse in similar vein. I hope forum friends
will agree that it can bear repetition:

THE FLY ON THE PAGE

He sneaked onto my book of verse
surreptitious as a thief
where fate dealt him a sticky end
far from the flyleaf.
A few strokes of my eraser
and all traces were gone,
the tiny trespasser rubbed out
in more senses than one.

One minute Icarus in the sun,
the next - oblivion.



Consider this verse now 'a closed book'.

[Eman]

Oh how true Keith, done that many a time out of sheer irritation for flies especially when I'm doing paperwork or reading a book!! Well said!!

[ROBERT M.]

Let's hope you are correct about the Sun Keith, the forecasters sometimes get the forecast wrong though .............there will not be a hosepipe ban as the rivers etc are full to bursting

[keithgood838]

Hooray, hooray Robert, we are promised a welcome span
of continuous sunshine,
which is all it seems to take to trigger a hosepipe ban,
about which you seem to be remarkably sanguine.

[ROBERT M.]

I live near to the east coast Keith ............if the weather comes from an easterly direction it is always cooler and cloudier ................watching the weather forecast after the news this evening, the weatherman said some will have sunshine others will have cloudier conditions ................I know which of the two we will be getting

[keithgood838]

I hope you are basking in endless sunshine now, Robert.

BIKER'S BENEFICENCE

George, burly leader of the bikers, dismounts from his Harley,
walks purposefully through a group of gawkers, past the state
trooper trying to talk a distressed young lady from her precarious
perch on a railing and implores: 'Hey baby, watcha doin' up there
on that railin'?'
'I'm going to commit suicide,' she tearfully announces.
While George didn't want to appear unmanly, he also didn't want
to pass up this make-a-name-for-yourself opportunity.
'Well, before you jump, honey-babe, why don't you give ole George
here a best last kiss?'
Without hesitation she leaned back over the railing and gave George
a long, deep, lingering kiss followed immediately by another even
better one.
To the vocal approval of the onlookers George declared:
'Wow, that was some kiss, baby. That's a real talent you're wasting,
sugar shorts. You could be famous if you rode with me, why are you
committing suicide?'
'My parents don't like me dressing like a girl.'
It is unclear whether, in the words of the climactic cliche,
'she' jumped or was pushed.

[ROBERT M.]

[ROBERT M.]

I hope you are basking in endless sunshine now, Robert.

Yes we have Keith ...............but those easterlies are coming by Monday