Today's Joke

Have you read something that you would like to share with others - now is your chance
User avatar
keithgood838
Posts: 2478
Joined: Sun Feb 10, 2008 6:30 pm

Re: Today's Joke

Post by keithgood838 » Sat Oct 12, 2013 9:31 am

I hope this will make you smile, Eman:

ANTICIPATORY AROUSAL

An American wife enquires sweetly of her husband:
'Have you ever seen a $20 note all crumpled up?'
'No,' replies her intrigued spouse.
She gives him a sexy little smile, undoes the top three
buttons of her blouse, reaches down into her cleavage
created by a soft, silky push-up bra and pulls out a $20 bill.
He takes the proffered note and, in turn, smiles approvingly.
'Have you ever seen fifty dollars all crumpled up?'
she continues seductively.
'Uh ... no, I haven't,' he stutters with mounting curiosity.
She flashes him another Lolita-like smile, pulls up her skirt,
pulls down her sheer panties and extracts a $50 bill.
He takes the bill as his breathing accelerates amorously.
'Now,' she intones with a coquettish come-hither smile,
'have you ever seen $50.000 dollars all crumpled up?'
'No way,' he avers while becoming even more aroused.
'Well, you'd better look in the garage.'

:wink:
Last edited by keithgood838 on Tue Nov 26, 2013 11:48 am, edited 1 time in total.

User avatar
Eman
Posts: 4050
Joined: Fri Mar 25, 2011 2:15 am
Location: San Diego, CA USA

Re: Today's Joke

Post by Eman » Sat Oct 12, 2013 10:04 pm

Mwahahahaha Keith!! Lol

User avatar
keithgood838
Posts: 2478
Joined: Sun Feb 10, 2008 6:30 pm

Re: Today's Joke

Post by keithgood838 » Sun Oct 13, 2013 4:59 pm

More a guffaw than a giggle then, Eman. :D

SATIRE-PROVOKING STANDPOINTS

With one hand our doughty Press
fight like demons to prevent the state
poking its intrusive nose
into their sometimes dubious deliberations,
while with the other some of those
same freedom fighters sow seeds of confusion
by defending stealthy state surveillance
of kept-in-the-dark citizens' communications.

:roll: :wink:

User avatar
Lena & Harry Smith
Posts: 21514
Joined: Tue Jul 12, 2005 10:05 am
Location: London UK

Re: Today's Joke

Post by Lena & Harry Smith » Mon Oct 14, 2013 12:05 am

Classic Keith :D :D

User avatar
Eman
Posts: 4050
Joined: Fri Mar 25, 2011 2:15 am
Location: San Diego, CA USA

Re: Today's Joke

Post by Eman » Mon Oct 14, 2013 2:52 am

Keith, you keep me in stitches. LOL

User avatar
Gray
Posts: 2448
Joined: Thu Sep 15, 2005 5:57 am
Location: York, North Yorkshire
Contact:

Re: Today's Joke

Post by Gray » Mon Oct 14, 2013 6:18 am

Very good, Keith :)

User avatar
keithgood838
Posts: 2478
Joined: Sun Feb 10, 2008 6:30 pm

Re: Today's Joke

Post by keithgood838 » Mon Oct 14, 2013 7:35 pm

Thanks folks, I'm glad you appreciate a 'good' laugh.

PERNICKITY PASSWORD PROBLEMS

User: My usual password in not working, why?

Website Assistant: It has expired - you must register
a new password.

User: But I like my old one; it is like a old familiar friend.

Website: They automatically expire after 30 days.

User: Can I not re-register the old password?

Website: No, you must get a new one.

User: But that just means one more niggling thing
I have to remember.

Website: Sorry, you must get a new one.

User: Okay - roses.

Website: Sorry, you must use more letters.

User: Pretty roses.

Website: You must use at least one number.

User: 1 pretty rose

Website: You cannot use blank spaces.

User: 1prettyrose

Website: You must use additional letters.

User: 1effingprettyrose

Website: You must use at least one capital letter.

User: 1EFFINGprettyrose.

Website: You cannot use more than one capital letter in a row.

User: 1Effingprettyrose.

Website: You must use additional letters.

User: 1Effingprettyroseshovedupyourposterior
ifyoudon'tgivemeaccess.

Website: Sorry, that password is already being used.

:wink:

PS This exemplary website is excepted from criticism, naturally.

User avatar
Eman
Posts: 4050
Joined: Fri Mar 25, 2011 2:15 am
Location: San Diego, CA USA

Re: Today's Joke

Post by Eman » Tue Oct 15, 2013 1:59 pm

Oh Keith, don't we all go through this with these darned password changes. LOL

User avatar
keithgood838
Posts: 2478
Joined: Sun Feb 10, 2008 6:30 pm

Re: Today's Joke

Post by keithgood838 » Thu Oct 17, 2013 12:23 pm

Here's a homegrown comic titbit just for you, Eman:

IDEAL INTERVIEWEE
(Last night's t.v.)


Jeremy Paxman, in the Newsnight studio, asked historian Simon Sharma
in Washington, for his thoughts on the shenanigans currently convulsing
the Republican Party. In his final answer to Paxman's enquiries, Sharma
gave, barely pausing for breath, a minutes-long, lucid and very lively
exposition of the GOP's predicament, including the temper tantrums of
the Tea Party, who have gone from the historical chucking of shiploads
of tea into Boston Harbour, to throwing their toys out of the pram on Capitol Hill.
Ending on a rare flash of humour Paxman mischievously upbraided Sharma:
'Thank you, but I wish you would speak out more.' To which Sharma riposted:
'Sorry about that, but I am heavily sedated at the moment.'

Sparkling television!

:wink:

User avatar
Eman
Posts: 4050
Joined: Fri Mar 25, 2011 2:15 am
Location: San Diego, CA USA

Re: Today's Joke

Post by Eman » Thu Oct 17, 2013 1:26 pm

LOL..isn't this always the case..ha ha..

User avatar
keithgood838
Posts: 2478
Joined: Sun Feb 10, 2008 6:30 pm

Re: Today's Joke

Post by keithgood838 » Fri Oct 18, 2013 6:59 pm

OWNERSHIP ODDITIES?

So a power source chunk of our economy
will come under Chinese communist control,
while at the same time Royal Mail is excised
from its warm berth deep in the national soul.
Not meaning to take our potentates to task,
as a perplexed pleb I'm entitled to ask.

:wink:
Last edited by keithgood838 on Sun Oct 20, 2013 4:37 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Don Cooper
Posts: 411
Joined: Wed Aug 17, 2005 10:51 am
Location: Birmingham.UK.

Re: Today's Joke

Post by Don Cooper » Sat Oct 19, 2013 9:06 pm

Being not one Matt CD or pos divider being in the Easy Listening section of HMV Bull Ring,Birmingham.
Needless to add,I was not amused.

Good luck with Christmas sales,Hopeless Music Vendor.
:(
Matt : Smooth, but not Glossy...

User avatar
karl
Posts: 16702
Joined: Wed Jul 13, 2011 6:05 pm

Re: Today's Joke

Post by karl » Sat Oct 19, 2013 10:56 pm

Don Cooper wrote:Being not one Matt CD or pos divider being in the Easy Listening section of HMV Bull Ring,Birmingham.
Needless to add,I was not amused.

Good luck with Christmas sales,Hopeless Music Vendor.
:(
Eh! Is this a joke?

Don Cooper
Posts: 411
Joined: Wed Aug 17, 2005 10:51 am
Location: Birmingham.UK.

Re: Today's Joke

Post by Don Cooper » Sun Oct 20, 2013 11:23 pm

Have you never encountered the ironic joke?
Usually requires an open mind to appreciate...
Matt : Smooth, but not Glossy...

Don Cooper
Posts: 411
Joined: Wed Aug 17, 2005 10:51 am
Location: Birmingham.UK.

Re: Today's Joke

Post by Don Cooper » Sun Oct 20, 2013 11:39 pm

I have fully explained my disabilities in recent previous posts.Your response borders on the discriminatory,Karl.
I would request a moderator intervene in this situation.
Matt : Smooth, but not Glossy...

Post Reply

Return to “Thought of the Day”