Today's Joke

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keithgood838
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Re: Today's Joke

Post by keithgood838 » Thu Feb 13, 2014 1:30 pm

Thanks L&H, I knew I could rely on our knowledgable forum
to unravel this musical mystery.

NOMINATIVE DETERMINISM

While we have every sympathy for the unfortunate folk
whose homes are flooded, coastal erosion is also a posing
a threat to people's homes. However there is a solution
contained in the name of the National Trust's coast and
marine adviser, Phil Dyke.

:wink:

Don Cooper
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Location: Birmingham.UK.

Re: Today's Joke

Post by Don Cooper » Sun Feb 16, 2014 3:58 pm

* Cleaner required *

An opportunity is pending for a skilled name-dropper operative to
demonstrate their mettle in coping with what may be a veritable tip.

Please note: having comprehended the sheer scale of the forthcoming task,responses of the "Not for all the tea in China" approach will disqualify potential applicants.

World-renowned Central London location.
Matt : Smooth, but not Glossy...

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keithgood838
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Re: Today's Joke

Post by keithgood838 » Mon Feb 17, 2014 7:40 pm

I guess that the remuneration terms will not
include a generous, flexible expenses package, Don.

NON-PLEASURE LEISURE

Why don't politicians like golf?
Because it is too much akin to
their work - trapped in one bad
lie after another.

:wink:

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Eman
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Re: Today's Joke

Post by Eman » Tue Feb 18, 2014 1:40 am

LOL Keith, so true, so true.. the recent election for our mayor was full of all the mud slinging and lies on their campaign ads ha ha..it was like watching The Jeremy Kyle or Jerry Springer shows. I was waiting for some fist-a-cuffs to go down!! ha ha..keep em comin' Keith!!!

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keithgood838
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Re: Today's Joke

Post by keithgood838 » Tue Feb 18, 2014 7:51 pm

Thanks Eman; I hope the subject matter here
isn't unfamiliar to you:

AMICABLE APARTNESS

He: 'Dear, I am keen to go ahead with the divorce,
but I also want the parting to proceed gently;
so like an established driver set on an agreed course
I hope you will agree to let me still use the Bentley?'

She: 'Okay, without rancour but with some reluctance,
I agree that we may be maritally detached;
however, if you insist on gaining your independence
it comes with a problem transport price-tag attached.'

:wink:

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keithgood838
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Re: Today's Joke

Post by keithgood838 » Thu Feb 20, 2014 1:26 pm

DEMOCRATIC DICHOTOMIES

If I were a Scot residing in Scotland
I would vote "yes" for independence
to escape from Westminster's say-so.
But since I am very much not and
I long to retain their braw presence,
I hope our Scots kindred vote "no".

:wink:

PS Where would our Olympics status be
without Scottish curlers in team GB?

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Marian
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Location: Reading. Berkshire.

Re: Today's Joke

Post by Marian » Thu Feb 20, 2014 2:16 pm

Not a joke... but VERY WELL DONE to the girls in the Curling team in winning the Bronze Medal. :D
GOOD LUCK to the men's team for tomorrow and coming home with a Gold or a Silver! :D :D

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Eman
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Location: San Diego, CA USA

Re: Today's Joke

Post by Eman » Thu Feb 20, 2014 2:23 pm

Nope not at all Keith.
I like watching the curling events, some say it's boring but I dunno I just like it.

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keithgood838
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Re: Today's Joke

Post by keithgood838 » Thu Feb 20, 2014 8:25 pm

Eman, I was referring to the Scottish independence verse.
Marian, a gold tomorrow for GB would be a marvellous shot
in the arm, and require another great shot or two from the
Murdoch right arm. Now lets switch to a warmer continent:

CALL CENTRE CORRECTNESS

Mujibar applied for a job in India. The interviewer explained:
'Mujibar, you have passed all the tests we set you so far.
If you can clear this last hurdle the job is yours.'
'Bring it on,' asserted Mujibar confidently.
'Make a sentence using the words yellow, pink and green.'
Mujibar replied: 'The telephone goes green, green,
and I pink it up and say, yellow this is Mujibar.'

Mujibar in now employed at an IT Support centre;
you may have spoken to him - I have, bless him.

:wink:

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Eman
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Location: San Diego, CA USA

Re: Today's Joke

Post by Eman » Fri Feb 21, 2014 12:55 am

OMG, Keith, does he work for Dell, when I had a Dell computer I've spoken to him many times!!!

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Marian
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Location: Reading. Berkshire.

Re: Today's Joke

Post by Marian » Sat Feb 22, 2014 4:40 pm

Well over 100 years since it sank, Irish divers were amazed to see that Titanic's swimming pool was still full ...

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Eman
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Location: San Diego, CA USA

Re: Today's Joke

Post by Eman » Sat Feb 22, 2014 5:50 pm

LOL Marian.. that's funny!! :D

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Lena & Harry Smith
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Re: Today's Joke

Post by Lena & Harry Smith » Sat Feb 22, 2014 8:32 pm

Ha Ha ... and after all these years there could be an inquiry. They want to know why fish were allowed in this pool. :wink: :wink: :lol:

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keithgood838
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Re: Today's Joke

Post by keithgood838 » Sat Feb 22, 2014 8:48 pm

Maybe that's why Irish divers don't excel in the Olympics -
deep sea diving is wrecking their chances:

HORSES FOR COURSES

Congratulations to Scottish curling
on their weighty Olympics medal hoard;
but wait till the Summer Games includes hurling
then watch the Irish players sweep the board.

:wink:
Last edited by keithgood838 on Fri Feb 28, 2014 11:51 am, edited 2 times in total.

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Eman
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Location: San Diego, CA USA

Re: Today's Joke

Post by Eman » Sun Feb 23, 2014 2:10 am

LOL

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