Today's Joke

[Eman]

Keith please do come back, I do love to read your jokes as it has become a highlight of my day when work gets to be a little tedious and I need a pick me up plus I love your poems also.

[Rmoore]

My decision was quite simple.

Someone, in confidence, told me that the joke was here and they thought it was in poor taste. If JUST ONE person finds it anything that makes them uncomfortable then it needs to be removed. No offense is ever meant by doing this, but this is a light hearted music forum in Matt Monro's name and he would never want any of his fans to feel uncomfortable about anything. Please don't speculate about who made the complaint, that is completely irrelevant.

Michele and I want everybody who comes to this forum to feel welcome, just as Matt would. This forum is generally unmoderated but occasionally it has to be done. Many forums have moderators that review every post and delete far more innocent material, some have such silly rules that people aren't even allowed any opinions that differ from the moderators and that certainly doesn't happen here.

Keith is as welcome as he always was.

[maxine]

Thank you for that Richard...it is very awkward to keep everybody happy for sure ...i really hope Keith sees your post and comes back ....it is easy ti get carried away sometime....this is a great forum ...so warm and friendly ...and that is rare if you ask me......

[ROBERT M.]

Keith has not posted in over a week now ...............neither has L&H ......................are L&H OK ?

[Marian]

Lena and Harry are okay Robert. I heard from them a couple of days ago.

[Eman]

Keith is also ok Robert, I heard from him a few days ago.

[ROBERT M.]

What with one thing or another going on just lately on here, including the bad feeling in the recent past ie........Don etc...... it must put some people off visiting the forum.................Paul has not been seen either for a long time, he was often given a lot of stick when he posted .....................it would be good to start afresh with everyone getting on well with one another .................so please come back Keith, Paul, L&H and all the others too

[Lena & Harry Smith]

Well, in spite of Robert....... we've also been pretty occupied lately, but it's nice that you missed us. and we didn't want to let Dame Vera Lynn's Birthday go by without a mention today.

[karl]

Paul and others are often busy with work, they post when they have the time.

[Lena & Harry Smith]

Some true facts.

AGE IS IMPORTANT, IF YOU'RE CHEESE AND WINE.
YOUR SECRETS ARE SAFE WITH YOUR FRIENDS BECAUSE THEY CAN'T REMEMBER THEM EITHER.
OF ALL MY HUSBANDS RELATIVES I LIKE ME THE BEST
YOUR JOINTS ARE MORE ACCURATE THAN THE WEATHER FORECASTS.
ONCE OVER THE HILL YOU PICK UP SPEED.
SOMETIMES I WAKE UP GRUMPY, OTHER TIMES I LET HIM SLEEP.
MY MIND IS MADE UP, DON'T CONFUSE ME WITH THE FACTS.
I WOULD ENJOY WALKIN G IF IT WASN'T FOR THOSE LONG WALKS BACK.
EAT RIGHT, EXERCISE REGULARLY THEN DIE ANYWAY.

[maxine]

i love it lena and Harry ....(im guessing Lena wrote this )

[Lena & Harry Smith]

Yes, it was me who posted those Maxine, although Harry could probably come up with a few. I've seen the Taxi Drivers Magazines Joke Page.

[Marian]

Good ones Lena

I think this one should be safe...

A lawyer and a senior citizen are sitting next to each other on a long flight.

The lawyer is thinking that seniors are so dumb that he could get one over on them easily.

So, the lawyer asks if the senior would like to play a fun game.

The senior is tired and just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and tries to catch a few winks.

The lawyer persists, saying that the game is a lot of fun...."I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me only $5.00. Then you ask me one, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500.00," he says.

This catches the senior's attention and, to keep the lawyer quiet, he agrees to play the game.

The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the Earth to the Moon?"

The senior doesn't say a word, but reaches into his pocket, pulls out a five-dollar bill, and hands it to the lawyer.

Now, it's the senior's turn. He asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?"

The lawyer uses his laptop to search all references he can find on the Net.

He sends E-mails to all the smart friends he knows; all to no
avail. After an hour of searching, he finally gives up.

He wakes the senior and hands him $500.00. The senior pockets the $500.00 and goes right back to sleep.



The lawyer is going nuts not knowing the answer. He wakes the senior up and asks,



"Well, so what goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four?"


The senior reaches into his pocket, hands the lawyer $5.00, and goes back to sleep.

[maxine]

Marian .......

[Eman]

Love it Marian