Today's Joke

[Eman]

Ha ha Keith, thank you with the crazy stressful work week I'm having I needed a good laugh thank you once again!!

[karl]

LOL Keith so I wonder which "branch" you'd be made managing director of?

[keithgood838]

Larry is a sensible name for Marian's dog in Keswick,
unlike the following:

DOG DESIGNATIONS

A girl visited her blonde friend who had acquired two new dogs,
so she asked her what names she had given them.
'Oh, I've named one Rolex and the other Timex,' gushed the
blonde proudly.
Her friend asserted: 'Whoever heard of names like those for dogs?'
'Hellooooo ...' replied the blonde, 'they're watch dogs.'

[Marian]

Good one Keith, perhaps a good name for a guide dog might be Scout.

[keithgood838]

Apt name indeed, Marian. Now let me turn to
cosmic considerations:

ASTRAL ANTICIPATION

On the night of 14-15 April the moon's
visage will turn blood red,
hidden in vain behind an eclipse,
while each toes-curled solar companion tunes
into something foot-in-mouth said -
a thoughtless gaffe from celestial lips.

[Marian]

Sally was driving home from one of her business





trips in Northern Arizona when she saw an elderly





Navajo woman walking on the side of the road.





As the trip was a long and quiet one, she stopped





the car and asked the Navajo woman if she would





like a ride. With a silent nod of thanks, the woman got into





the car.





Resuming the journey, Sally tried in vain to make





a bit of small talk with the Navajo woman. The old





woman just sat silently, looking intently at





everything she saw, studying every little detail,





until she noticed a brown bag on the seat





next to Sally.





'What in bag?' asked the old woman.





Sally looked down at the brown bag and said, 'It's





a bottle of wine. I got it for my husband.'





The Navajo woman was silent for another moment or





two. Then speaking with the quiet wisdom of an elder,





She said:





'Good trade.....'

[karl]

Aw, that's unkind - but funny!!!

[maxine]

Marian


Woman says to husband... I'm homesick
Husband says .....you ARE home!!
Woman replies.... Yes, and I'm sick of it!

(Curtesy of Tommy Cooper)

[keithgood838]

SINGING SYMPTOMS

'Doc, I can't stop singing The Green Green Grass of Home.'
'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome.'
'Is it common?'
'It's not unusual.'



Also courtesy of Tommy Cooper

[Eman]

Ha ha Keith! The Tom Jones Syndrome lol!! Now if it was The Tony Christie syndrome it would be better. Can you tell who I'm a fan of

[karl]

Ah but Tony didn't sing It's Not Unusual but Eamnon did you know know Tony was often compared to Tom instyle - he wasn't too happy. However it was probably becuae they both have powerful voices.

[maxine]

Ha ha Keith! The Tom Jones Syndrome lol!! Now if it was The Tony Christie syndrome it would be better. Can you tell who I'm a fan of

Eman i love Amorillo! Love love love it ...always cheers me up ...and Keith ....your spelling is better than mine

[Marian]

A first-grade school teacher had twenty-six students in her class. She presented each child in her classroom the first half of a well-known proverb and asked them to come up with the remainder of the proverb. It's hard to believe these were actually done by first graders. Their insight may surprise you. While reading, keep in mind that these are first-graders, six-year-olds, because the last one is a classic!




1.

Don't change horses

until they stop running.


2.

Strike while the

bug is close.


3.

It's always darkest before

Daylight Saving Time.


4.

Never underestimate the power of

termites.


5.

You can lead a horse to water but

how?


6.

Don't bite the hand that

looks dirty.


7.

No news is

impossible.


8.

A miss is as good as a

Mr.


9.

You can't teach an old dog new

math.


10.

If you lie down with dogs, you'll

stink in the morning.


11.

Love all, trust

me.


12.

The pen is mightier than the

pigs.


13.

An idle mind is

the best way to relax.


14.

Where there's smoke there's

pollution.


15.

Happy the bride who

gets all the presents.


16.

A penny saved is

not much.


17.

Two's company, three's

the Musketeers.


18.

Don't put off till tomorrow what

you put on to go to bed.


19.

Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and

you have to blow your nose.


20.

There are none so blind as

Stevie Wonder.


21.

Children should be seen and not

spanked or grounded.


22.

If at first you don't succeed

get new batteries.


23.

You get out of something only what you

see in the picture on the box.


24.

When the blind lead the blind

get out of the way.


25.

A bird in the hand

is going to poop on you.


And the WINNER and last one!


26.

Better late than

pregnant.

[keithgood838]

Old heads on young shoulders, Marian.

DEADEYE DETECTOR

A woman, on leaving home, is confronted by television licence inspectors.
'I am in a terrible rush to catch the bus so as not to be late for work,'
she informs them breathlessly. 'But my husband will be here soon; he will
show you the licence, it's under the clock on the mantlepiece.'
When he arrives he explains, 'We do have a licence but I'm afraid I don't
know where my wife keeps it.'
They tell him to look under the clock on the mantlepiece.
He returns bearing the licence and exclaims:
'Wow, that's some detector machine you've got there!'

[maxine]

Keith .....