Today's Joke

keithgood838 · Post by **keithgood838** » Sat Apr 25, 2009 4:30 pm

Nice ones, Marian.
It's good to keep the chuckles cackling merrily,
especially at the corporates' expense.
Keith

Gray · Post by **Gray** » Sun Apr 26, 2009 7:52 am

I knew a girl who burnt her arm badly ironing a shirt whilst wearing it!

keithgood838 · Post by **keithgood838** » Sun Apr 26, 2009 12:00 pm

The Leeds United players are wearing their
well-ironed shirts with pride these days, Gray.

AYEs and NAYs

A marriage broker visits a potential groom and his parents.
'I've found you a marvellous girl,' he croons.
'She's beautiful, she's clever, a gourmet cook
and wants nothing more than to settle down and build
a warm, loving home for her husband and children.'
However, the son remains unconvinced.
'Is she good in bed?' he enquires.
The marriage broker shrugs:
'Some say yes, some say no ...'

Keith

usafret · Post by **usafret** » Sun Apr 26, 2009 1:16 pm

NOTHING LIKE A PROPER EVALUATION KEITH.
ED

ROBERT M. · Post by **ROBERT M.** » Sun Apr 26, 2009 11:40 pm

What about the Tigers players Keith ?? it is touch and go, with four games left

I said all along it would go down to the wire (but it wish I had been wrong)

Gray · Post by **Gray** » Mon Apr 27, 2009 6:01 am

Hi Keith

Yes, Simon Grayson has done a fantastic job at Leeds, I just hope we are able to finish the job this time round.
I'm sick of seeing us get beat in the play-offs.

Robert, I reckon it doesn't look good for your boys, sorry to say.
I think West Brom have gone, 'Boro too, I can see Newcastle getting out of it, don't know why as they don't have goals in them, but that leaves you and Sunderland.
Newcastle play Pompey tonight at home, massive game for them.

keithgood838 · Post by **keithgood838** » Mon Apr 27, 2009 2:51 pm

I'm sticking to my guns (also my Gunners) by saying
Hull City will stay up; however they need to start
opening up with their big guns. The same goes
for Leeds United; they have the forepower to win the
division one play-offs.
Do you guys agree that something needs to be done
about referees' fallibility deciding football's fortunes
(alliteration 'strikes' again)? Howard Webb's blunder
on Saturday may have determined the outcome of the
Premiership title - a state of affairs that is no joke.
Like this post.

Keith

Marian · Post by **Marian** » Mon Apr 27, 2009 4:04 pm

Do you all realise you are writing about your football clubs on Joke of the Day!!!!!!!!!!!!!

No comment

keithgood838 · Post by **keithgood838** » Mon Apr 27, 2009 6:55 pm

Yes Marian, we guys tend to stray, from the current topic
that is. Let us get back on the straight and narrow.

THE UNSTOPPABLE VIRUS
(no, not swine flu, this one appears
to affect persons born pre 1960)

(1) Causes you to send the same email twice - done that!

(2) Causes you to send blank emails - that too!

(3) Causes you to send it to the wrong person

(4) Causes you to send it back to the sender

(5) Causes you to forget to attach the attachment

(6) Causes you to hit 'send' prematurely. Oh no, not again!

(7) Causes you to hit 'delete' instead of 'send'

(eight) Worst of all, causes you to hit 'send' when you mean to delete

It is called the C Nile Virus - I am a hapless victim.

Keith

mariana44 · Post by **mariana44** » Mon Apr 27, 2009 8:21 pm

Yes-I think I may well have done a couple of those examples !!

However, last week, I lost all my current emails--no idea how or where they went--luckily I had read most of them-the important ones anyway.

mark porter · Post by **mark porter** » Mon Apr 27, 2009 10:48 pm

Thought of the day, if something is hard to do it's not worth doing haha!!

Gray · Post by **Gray** » Tue Apr 28, 2009 6:09 am

Sorry Marian!

Marian · Post by **Marian** » Tue Apr 28, 2009 8:54 am

If you are saying sorry to me Gray there is no need at all, I just thought it was funny that you were all talking about different football clubs under that heading.

Anyway, I hope all your various clubs do well.
Reading pulled themselves up by their bootstraps last night too.

Marian

Gray · Post by **Gray** » Wed Apr 29, 2009 5:55 am

Hi Marian

Ok, thanks, not sure if I'd made a mistake.
I think Reading can get promoted automatically this weekend if result go their way.

keithgood838 · Post by **keithgood838** » Thu Apr 30, 2009 6:53 pm

IN-FLIGHT INTERVENTION
(another gem from Ed in Orlando)

A plane is en route to Houston when Amanda decides
to vacate her seat in economy and occupy one in business
class. A perceptive flight attendant notices and asks to see
her ticket. She then explains that it didn't entitle Amanda
to sit there and she would have to return whence she came.
'I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Houston
and I'm staying right here,' she declares defiantly.
The flight attendant enters the cockpit and apprises
the flight crew of the problem.
The co-pilot approaches Amanda and implores her
to return to her economy-class seat.
'I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm bound for Houston
and I'm staying in this seat,' she re-asserts.
The co-pilot suggests to the pilot that he should arrange
to have the police awaiting their arrival in Houston,
to arrest the blonde basket-case. The pilot affirms:
'I'll deal with this matter, I'm married to a blonde.
I speak blonde.'
He in turn approaches Amanda and whispers in her ear,
whereupon she mutters an apology and meekly returns
to her seat. The flight attendant and co-pilot are astounded
by the turn of events and ask the pilot what he said
to induce Amanda to agree without demur.
'I told her, first class isn't going to Houston.'

Keith