Today's Joke

[maxine]

I like poignant and I like funny ....

[keithgood838]

Maxine, I think this one comes under the heading:
'Out of the mouths of babes ...'

PRAYERFUL PRECOCIOUSNESS

One night little Johnny's father overhears his son saying his prayers.
'God bless Mummy, Daddy and Granny. Goodbye Grampa.'
The next day the grandfather dies.
A month or so later his father again overhears little Johnny at prayer.
'God bless Mummy and Daddy. Goodbye Granny.'
The next day the grandmother dies. Father begins to worry.
Two weeks later he again hears little Johnny praying.
'God bless Mummy, goodbye Daddy.'
Father nearly has a heart attack and spends all day in fear for his life.
However he managers to survive and returns home from work.
'I had a really fretful day today,' he informs his wife.
'Don't talk to me about worrisome days,' she declares irritatedly.
'This morning the postman dropped dead on the porch!'

[maxine]

that is hilarious Keith ..showing to hubby

[keithgood838]

Obviously you and hubby enjoy a laugh together, Maxine.
Here are a few lighthearted thoughts on the subject of matrimony:

MARRIAGE LINES

A woman marries a man expecting he will change,
but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change,
and she does.

A woman puts a lonely hearts ad in the paper saying:
'Husband wanted.'
Next day she is inundated with letters all saying the same thing:
'You can have mine.'

The two ages of married men:
(1) When they want to remain faithful but don't.
(2) When they want to be unfaithful but can't.

[ROBERT M.]

Good one's Keith

[keithgood838]

Thanks Robert, but I wonder what happened to Marian's
mirthful small boy medical theme?

CIRCULATING CURRENCY

Doctor: 'Nurse, how is that little boy doing,
the one who swallowed all those coins?'
Nurse: 'No change yet.'

[Eman]

LOL Keith!!!

[keithgood838]

Here's a throwback to a chivalrous age, Eman:

NOBLESSE OBLIGE

A knight in a besieged castle offers to break out
and ride for help. Unfortunately all the horses are
dead so the knight suggests riding out on the back
of a giant wolfhound. 'You can't,' asserts the lord
of the manor. 'My wolfhound has a sore leg. The only
other dog is a chihuahua, and I wouldn't send a knight
out on a dog like this.'

[ROBERT M.]

[keithgood838]

WINDS OF WRATH

Spawned in the sub-tropics, Hurricane Gonzalo
wreaked his havoc on Bermuda,
then had the vindictive audacity
to export his malign intent across the Atlantic miles
and vent his diminishing spleen
on the unwitting, minding-our-own-business British Isles.
Clear off Gonzalo, we are already having to contend
with hot air being generated from the east
by debate about blow-ins from the EU
without having to put up with blustering
westerly contributions from you!

[Eman]

[keithgood838]

I hope you will be (equally?) amused by this one, Eman:

CUTTING REMARKS

A guy attends a hairdressers for a haircut and shave,
and begins to chat up the attractive girl doing his hair:
'How about coming for a drink with me?' he ventures.
'I'm married,' she replies, 'what would I tell my husband?'
'Tell him anything; tell him you're going for a drink with a friend.'
'I've got a better idea,' she suggests.
'Tell him yourself; he's the big guy over there stropping the razor.'

[maxine]

whoops

[Marian]

Two little boys are going to the hospital the next day for operations.

Theirs will be first on the schedule.

The older boy leans over and asks,

"What are you having done?"

The second boy says,

"I'm getting my tonsils out, and I'm afraid."

The first boy says,

"You've got nothing to worry about. I had that done when I was four. They put you to sleep, and when you wake up, they give you lots of Jell-O and ice cream. It's a breeze."

The second boy then asks,


"What are you going in for?"

The first boy says, "Circumcision."


"Whoa!" the smaller boy replies.


"Good luck, buddy. I had that done when I was born. Couldn't walk for a year." !!

[keithgood838]

Marian, courtesy of you,
I have a feeling of deja vu.

TERMINAL TREATMENT

A wife collects medication from the doctors
for her elderly husband. She is given some pills
and told that he should take two every Sunday,
Tuesday and Wednesday and skip the remaining
days of the week.
A month later she returns to tell the doctor
that her husband had died of a heart attack.
'I don't understand it,' exclaims the distraught
doctor. 'His heart hadn't bothered him before.
I hope it wasn't a side effect of the medication.'
'Oh no,' replies the wife, 'it was the skipping
that killed him.'