Today's Joke

[ROBERT M.]

Shouldn't laugh really...............but it was only a joke............so

[keithgood838]

I think it comes under the heading of black humour, Robert.

CSI

A hole has suspiciously appeared in the ladies' dressing room
at my sports club.
The police are looking into it.

[ROBERT M.]

I think this comes under the heading voyeuristic humour Keith

[keithgood838]

ANONYMITY APPAREL

A married couple were invited to a Halloween masked party.
They were looking forward to it but at the last minute the wife
cried off because of a headache. She didn't want to spoil her
husband's fun and insisted he went on his own. He set off in
full costume. The wife had taken to her bed but after a while
she began to feel better and decided she was well enough to
go to the party after all. When she arrived the festivities were
in full swing; she spotted her husband but chose to keep her
presence a secret from him, something she was able to do since
he had no idea what her costume was. Instead she preferred
to observe him, to see how he behaved when he thought she
wasn't around.
She watched him as he flirted with, and kissed and danced with
almost every woman at the function. Without revealing her identity
and disguising her voice she sidled up to him and purred:
'Fancy a breath of fresh air?'
'Sure,' he replied. 'I know the very place.'
He led her to his car in which they became very up close and personal.
She then slipped home alone, removed her costume, went to bed and
awaited her husband's return.
'Did you have a good time?' she enquired icily when he finally arrived.
'You know I never really enjoy myself when you're not there, darling.'
'Did you dance?'
'No, not one dance. In fact when I got there I met a few mates and we
went to the den and played poker all evening.'
'Oh yeah,' she declared incredulously.
'But I tell you,' he continued,
'the guy I lent my costume to sure had a great time.'

[Marian]

Ha ha! Good one Keith

[ROBERT M.]

I may be being picky, but shouldn't the wife have recognised the other blokes voice .........and, that it wasn't her hubby's car ................but it was a good joke Keith

[keithgood838]

Robert, not many jokes can stand up to logical examination;
the fun is in taking them at face value and enjoying the titillation,
viz:

Police arrested two kids yesterday. One was drinking battery acid,
the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other
one off.

[Eman]

LOL..Keith funny
Yep gotta take them at face value, if examined it loses their punch..

[keithgood838]

Here's another parrot joke, Eman. That brazen bird is always
good for a laugh:

MILE HIGH HAUTEUR

A man and a parrot find they are seated next to each other on a plane.
The man politely asks a stewardess for a coffee when the parrot interjects:
'Get me a brandy and be quick about it!'
A little disconcerted by his rudeness, the stewardess goes off and returns with
the brandy but not the coffee.
'Excuse me,' ventures the man, 'you've forgotten my coffee.'
'Sorry,' she replies whereupon the parrot exclaims even louder:
'And get me another brandy, you stupid skivvy!'
The clearly distressed stewardess returns with the brandy, again
forgetting the coffee.
The man decides that the only way to get results is to adopt the parrot's
insolent approach: 'Hey, get me a coffee and be quick about it, you dozy bitch!'
This time the stewardess returns with two burly colleagues who drag both
man and parrot from their seats and throw them out the emergency hatch.
As the man passes the parrot on the way down, the bird turns to him and
declares: 'You are a bit mouthy for someone who can't fly!'

[keithgood838]

CAR PARK CONSTERNATION

Picture the scene: a stressed housewife is manoeuvring a heavily laden
shopping trolley towards a supermarket car park while simultaneously
scrabbling to find her car keys among her multiple personal possessions.
Mild panic sets. Then it escalates to full-blown hysteria when she realises
the car is missing from its usual parking area.
Somehow summoning sufficient intelligibility, she phones the police
and confesses that she has left the keys in the ignition (again!) and
this time the vehicle has been stolen.
Trembling visibly, she then phones her husband:
'Darling, I've left the keys in the car and it's been stolen.'
The prolonged pause that follows makes her think that they have been
disconnected. Finally he declares:
'I dropped you off.' In the husband's voice sleet falls.
'Please c-come and get me,' she stammers imploringly.
'I will as soon as I can convince this policeman
that I haven't stolen you confounded car!'

[Marian]

Good one Keith

[keithgood838]

Hi Marian; that joke isn't as improbable as it might seem.

REDFACED RELIEF

For the exercise, I prefer to walk the half-mile or so to the shops
on Barnet High Street. On one occasion recently I decided to go by
car and I left it at The Spires car park.
Having satisfied my shopping requirements, I absentmindedly walked
home as usual. Imagine my anguish when I arrived to discover
my car was missing from our driveway ...

[Marian]

Keith. Did you have to walk back?

[keithgood838]

MY SENIOR MOMENT, MARIAN

After my few shopping pounds were spent
habit played a mean trick on my head,
making me quite forget that I went
not on foot but in my car instead.

[keithgood838]

CHRISTMAS in COURT

It was just before Christmas and the magistrate was in a festive mood.
He asked the prisoner in the dock? 'What have you been charged with?'
(He himself could be charged with lack of awareness, but I digress.)
The prisoner replied; 'Doing my Christmas shopping early.'
'That's no crime,' asserted the magistrate, 'just how early were you doing
your shopping?'
'Before the store opened,' came the sheepish reply.