Today's Joke

[Eman]

LOL..ha ha.. Sucker! LOL

[Gray]

This lasts five minutes, but well worth a look!

The worst penalty shoot-out ever...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8F9jXYOH2c0

[ROBERT M.]

I thought it was for real to start with...........but it's a wind up video

[Lena & Harry Smith]

We did too Robert, until they fetched the chair

[keithgood838]

I never fail to be intrigued by anagrams;
they seem to send us coded messages.
I wonder if the following is an indication
of the outcome of May's general election:

MODIFYING MYSTIQUE

Lib Dem and I = Ed Miliband

[Lena & Harry Smith]

Could possibly be Keith who knows, but one things for sure, NIGEL FARAGE will stand for anything but ...
A FEIGN LAGER

[ROBERT M.]

Lib Dem and I = Ed Miliband

Beamy or even Embay Keith

[Gray]

I took the shell off my racing snail, to see if it would make him move any faster.

If anything, though, it's just made him more sluggish.

[keithgood838]

It's good to see a series of pithy posts;
some would say it's a pity they were posted
but not me, possibly the worst perpetrator:

THEY ONLY FADE AWAY

Old academics never die, they just lose their faculties.

Old burglars never die, they just steal away.

Old bookkeepers never die, they just lose their figures.

Old chauffeurs never die, they just lose their drive.

Old composers never die, they just decompose.

Old journalists never die, they just get de-pressed.

Old limbo dancers never die, they just go under.

Old policemen never die, they just cop out.

Old soldiers never die, young ones do.

Old printers never die, they just not the type.

Old lawyers never die, they just lose their appeal.

No one knows what happens to old sceptics,
but their outlook looks doubtful.

[Eman]

LOL nice Keith!!!

[Gray]

Two policemen call the station on the radio.
"Hello. Is that the Sarge?"
"Yes?"
"We have a case here. A woman has shot her husband for stepping
on the floor she had just mopped clean."
"Have you arrested the woman?"
"No sir. The floor is still wet."

[keithgood838]

Funny one Gray, and clean.

WASHER WOMAN WOES

A woman is complaining to her friend about the household
workload burden she has to bear: 'I spend all day at the office
and come home to wash the clothes and dishes. Every weekend
I have to wash the kitchen floor and all the windows.'
'But what about your husband?' asks her friend.
'Oh, I make him wash himself.'

[maxine]

Just caught up with these Keith ,....great !!! Lol

[keithgood838]

We like to keep this forum tittering away, Maxine.

GRASPING GABOR

'I am an excellent housekeeper;
every time I get a divorce I keep the house.'

Zsa Zsa Gabor

[Eman]

LOL Keith!!! That she does!!!