Today's Joke

[ROBERT M.]

Good one Keith......good on the old lady

[keithgood838]

HAIR TODAY

Seeing her friend Jenny sporting a new locket,
Susan asked if it contained a memento.
'Yes,' replied Jenny, 'it contains a lock of my
husband's hair.'
'But David's still alive ...'
'Of course he is,' asserted Jenny,
'but his hair is gone.'


PS It's equally obvious that you are not a member
of the follically-challenged cohort, Robert.

[ROBERT M.]

You are correct Keith ............I wouldn't want my head to be too cold anyway (on those cold winter days)..............but two of my brothers are on their way to having a baldish (is there such a word ?) pate

[keithgood838]

'Baldish' is an adjective that describes a receding hairline,
Robert. I can claim some experience of the subject - in both
senses of the word.

[keithgood838]

A LITERARY LIST
(or Batty Books)

Diet for Dogs, by Nora Bone
A History of Rag & Bone Men, by Orson Cart
Show Jumping, by Jim Carner
Reading Difficulties, by Liz Dexia
Aches & Pains, by Arthur Ritis
The Bumper Book of Welsh Jokes, by Dai Laffin
The Worst Weekend of My Life, by Helen Back
End of The Week, by Gladys Friday

[keithgood838]

MINISTER MUSINGS

An elderly vicar was in conversation with
one of his parishioners: 'When you reach my
age, you spend more time contemplating
the hereafter.'
'Why do you say that?' enquired the parishioner.
The vicar replied: 'Well, I often find myself entering
a room and thinking, "What did I come in here after?'"

[Eman]

Keith! In top form as usual. Loving the laughs

[keithgood838]

Thanks Eman,
I try to keep this fun thread giggling along
while often thinking I'm singing a solo song;
since that was the raison detre of our dear Matt,
I guess I could get no better model than that.

SPOUSAL SEASONING

A husband was so impressed by the meal his wife
served for dinner that nearing the end of the meal
he asked: 'Darling, what did you marinade this in?'
She embarked on a long exposition of how much she loved
him and cherished their forty years together.
Seeing the puzzled expression on her husband's face
she asked anxiously: 'What did you ask me?'
Hearing his answer she chuckled: 'Sorry, I thought
you asked me if I would marry you again.'
As she left to enter the kitchen, he called after her:
'Well, would you marry me again?'
'Vinegar and barbecue sauce,' she sang out.

[keithgood838]

God knows we all need the antidote of humour in these troubled times:

QUIZ SHOW COMEDY
(Tense contestants on television game shows)

The matriarch of the Thicke family ('tis true) from Belfast
was asked to name something green ('tis true) to which she
replied: 'Me cardigan.'
Bob Monkhouse said he was disconcerted to find himself
looking up at the big screen and declaring: 'The survey said!'

At the point at which the contestant shouts: 'Fire!' on
the Golden Shot, he instead declared despondently:
'I can't see the screen!'
'How do you mean you can't see the screen?' asked an anxious
Bob Monkhouse.
'They've switched over to the BBC!' the guy moaned.
He was participating from a phone box outside Dixons on
Wolverhampton High Street. In his frustration he shouted 'Fire!'
anyway the bolt severed the apple neatly in two.

The lady contestant confidently answered 'Thrush' to a tricky
ornithological question in the multiple choice section of The Chase.
'How did you know that?' enquired an incredulous Bradley Walsh.
'It was just something I picked up,' she replied in wide-eyed innocence.
Bradley's face-puffed, eyes-streaming, body doubled-up contortions
were a joy to behold.

[ROBERT M.]

[karl]

I love it when Bradley cracks up, especially when The Chaser does too.

[keithgood838]

INTRO IMITATION

I recall actually watching an episode of Name That Tune
when an over-eager male contestant, on misconstruing
the squeaky spin of the wheel that determined the song
number, exclaimed excitedly: 'My Way!'

[keithgood838]

HOSTELRY HOSPITALITY

A travel-weary rep was enticed by a well-lit, pretty country inn,
the George and Dragon, so he decided to stay the night there.
Checking in at reception he asked the lady co-owner whether
meals were still being served. 'No,' she replied haughtily,
'the last meals were served at 8 p.m. sharp; it's now 8.13.
'Not even a sandwich?' he ventured sheepishly.
'No, not even a sandwich. The chef has gone home and I'm
certainly not going start slaving away in the kitchen just
because of your badly planned itinerary.'
'Okay, any chance of having breakfast in my room in the morning?'
'Certainly not,' she snapped. 'All breakfasts are served in the dining
room from 7.30 a.m. prompt. Any more questions?'
'Yes actually, do you think I might have a word with George?'

[Eman]

LOL.. Keith, keep em' coming and make em' laugh. I agreed in these troubled times we all need something light hearted and warm to remind us of something warm called humour. Thank you for providing that!

[keithgood838]

I'm always glad to oblige, Eman; posting this ephemera
helps me preserve my literary skills (such as they are).

PARROTED POSER

Two parrots are sitting on a perch,
one asks the other: 'Can you smell fish?'