Today's Joke
Re: Today's Joke
And yes, Marian, I posted earlier today and they have vanished also!!
Re: Today's Joke
Thanks for the reassurance that I am not losing it anyway Gray! I was beginning to wonder.
Marian


Marian

Re: Today's Joke
One or two of my posts from last night have gone.........walkies too 

"My Tears Will Fall Now That You're Gone,
I Can't Help But Cry, But I Must Go On"
I Can't Help But Cry, But I Must Go On"

Re: Today's Joke
Richard confirmed there were a few problems with the forum again yesterday. Seems okay again now.




- keithgood838
- Posts: 2478
- Joined: Sun Feb 10, 2008 6:30 pm
Re: Today's Joke
CONFUCIOUS CONTENTIONS
(conveyed via Ed Harrod)
Better to be pee-ed off than pee-ed on.
Man who keep feet firmly on ground have trouble putting pants on.
Woman who wear wonderbra make mountains out of molehills.
Man with one chopstick go hungry.
Man who live in glass house should get dressed in basement.
Man who sleep in bed of nails is holy.
Man who make love to girl on hill, he not on level.
Man who sit on tack get point.
Folk who make Confucious joke speak bad English.
Woman who spend much time on bedspring, get offspring.
Man who drive like hell, get there.
Keith
(conveyed via Ed Harrod)
Better to be pee-ed off than pee-ed on.
Man who keep feet firmly on ground have trouble putting pants on.
Woman who wear wonderbra make mountains out of molehills.
Man with one chopstick go hungry.
Man who live in glass house should get dressed in basement.
Man who sleep in bed of nails is holy.
Man who make love to girl on hill, he not on level.
Man who sit on tack get point.
Folk who make Confucious joke speak bad English.
Woman who spend much time on bedspring, get offspring.
Man who drive like hell, get there.
Keith

Re: Today's Joke
keithgood838 wrote:CONFUCIOUS CONTENTIONS
(conveyed via Ed Harrod)
Better to be pee-ed off than pee-ed on.
Man who keep feet firmly on ground have trouble putting pants on.
Woman who wear wonderbra make mountains out of molehills.
Man with one chopstick go hungry.
Man who live in glass house should get dressed in basement.
Man who sleep in bed of nails is holy.
Man who make love to girl on hill, he not on level.
Man who sit on tack get point.
Folk who make Confucious joke speak bad English.
Woman who spend much time on bedspring, get offspring.
Man who drive like hell, get there.
Keith
Man who makes meat and peas in same pot - most unhygenic!
Man with hole in pocket - feel c**ky all day!
- Lena & Harry Smith
- Posts: 21514
- Joined: Tue Jul 12, 2005 10:05 am
- Location: London UK
Re: Today's Joke
Man who make love on stairs..not on the level.
Man who stand on toilet .. high on pot.
Man who stand on toilet .. high on pot.

- keithgood838
- Posts: 2478
- Joined: Sun Feb 10, 2008 6:30 pm
Re: Today's Joke
MORE 'OUT OF THE MOUTHS' MUSINGS
(courtesy of Ed)
Jack (age three)
was watching his mum breast-feeding his new baby sister.
After contemplating this phenomenon he enquired:
'Mum, why have you got two of those?
Is one for hot milk and one for cold milk?'
Melanie (age five)
asked her granny how old she was.
Granny replied that she was so old she couldn't remember
any more. Melanie suggested helpfully:
'If you don't remember you must look in your panties,
mine say five to six.'
Brittany (age four)
had an ear ache and wanted a pain killer.
She tried in vain to take the lid off the bottle.
Seeing her frustration her mum explained it was
a child-proof cap and she's have to open it for her.
Wide-eyed in wonderment Brittany enquired:
'How does it know it's me?'
Susan (age four)
was drinking juice when she got hiccups.
'Please don't give me this juice again,' she asserted.
'It makes my teeth cough.'
Marc (age four)
was engrossed by the spectacle of a young couple
hugging and kissing in a restaurant. Without taking his eyes
off them, he asked his dad:
'Why is he whispering in her mouth?'
Tammy (age four)
was with her mother when they met an elderly, rather wrinkled
woman her mum knew. Tammy gazed at the woman in puzzlement,
then asked
'Why doesn't your skin fit your face?'
Keith
(courtesy of Ed)
Jack (age three)
was watching his mum breast-feeding his new baby sister.
After contemplating this phenomenon he enquired:
'Mum, why have you got two of those?
Is one for hot milk and one for cold milk?'
Melanie (age five)
asked her granny how old she was.
Granny replied that she was so old she couldn't remember
any more. Melanie suggested helpfully:
'If you don't remember you must look in your panties,
mine say five to six.'
Brittany (age four)
had an ear ache and wanted a pain killer.
She tried in vain to take the lid off the bottle.
Seeing her frustration her mum explained it was
a child-proof cap and she's have to open it for her.
Wide-eyed in wonderment Brittany enquired:
'How does it know it's me?'
Susan (age four)
was drinking juice when she got hiccups.
'Please don't give me this juice again,' she asserted.
'It makes my teeth cough.'
Marc (age four)
was engrossed by the spectacle of a young couple
hugging and kissing in a restaurant. Without taking his eyes
off them, he asked his dad:
'Why is he whispering in her mouth?'
Tammy (age four)
was with her mother when they met an elderly, rather wrinkled
woman her mum knew. Tammy gazed at the woman in puzzlement,
then asked
'Why doesn't your skin fit your face?'
Keith

Re: Today's Joke
An Irishnman visiting his friend looked in his fridge and saw two bottles of milk in there, one full and the other empty.
He said " Hey, why do you keep a empty milk bottle in the fridge?
His friend replied "In case anyone wants a black coffee!!

He said " Hey, why do you keep a empty milk bottle in the fridge?
His friend replied "In case anyone wants a black coffee!!







Re: Today's Joke
Very goOd Keith---and Edgar--i liked that one too-crazy-but funny.
Last edited by mariana44 on Mon Feb 22, 2010 4:30 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Mariana
- Lena & Harry Smith
- Posts: 21514
- Joined: Tue Jul 12, 2005 10:05 am
- Location: London UK
Re: Today's Joke
yes, very good Keith9 or Ed and Edgar. Keep em coming in between reading the book.



- keithgood838
- Posts: 2478
- Joined: Sun Feb 10, 2008 6:30 pm
Re: Today's Joke
Glad you liked them, folks. My computer didn't because
it threw the lot out just as I was finishing the last one,
there are therefore more to come. Loved the Irish one , Edgar.
FLY FISHING
A husband phones home:
'Darling, my boss has invited me and other friends
to a fishing weekend in Scotland. It may be a good career move
so please pack my rod and tackle box for collection on my way
to the airport. Also please pack my silk pyjamas.'
Slightly bemused by this odd request she dutifully accedes to
her husband's wishes.
Following the long weekend he arrives home a little tired
but otherwise looking good. The wife asks if he caught many fish.
'Yes, lots,' he replies. 'But you didn't pack my silk pyjamas.'
'I did,' replies the wife.'
'They're in your tackle box.'
Keith
it threw the lot out just as I was finishing the last one,
there are therefore more to come. Loved the Irish one , Edgar.
FLY FISHING
A husband phones home:
'Darling, my boss has invited me and other friends
to a fishing weekend in Scotland. It may be a good career move
so please pack my rod and tackle box for collection on my way
to the airport. Also please pack my silk pyjamas.'
Slightly bemused by this odd request she dutifully accedes to
her husband's wishes.
Following the long weekend he arrives home a little tired
but otherwise looking good. The wife asks if he caught many fish.
'Yes, lots,' he replies. 'But you didn't pack my silk pyjamas.'
'I did,' replies the wife.'
'They're in your tackle box.'
Keith

- Lena & Harry Smith
- Posts: 21514
- Joined: Tue Jul 12, 2005 10:05 am
- Location: London UK
Re: Today's Joke
That's a fishy story Keith that required a quick answer.


